Scarred Perfection

i have issues

2011-01-06T15:35:00.003+08:00

i got issues with my mother. i dunno how we used to get along and now, i just get irritated even when i only hear her voice.

Im rebellious. at a late age. i swore in my heart many times, when i hear her voice. when she's 'teaching my brother the correct values'. i dunno man, i have nothing against that it's just, i get very irritated. i think this feeling of irritation was developed a long way back.

It all begins when i was in secondary school. When every kid goes out to hang out with friends, i had to stay at home to look after my younger brother. and i hated it, but i kept it in my heart, but i really hated to have that kinda of responsibility on me. I could be on the way to orchard with my friends and just as i stepped out of the train station, i'd get a call from her, she has to go to work and i have to go home at that instance. Slowly, after this has happened many times, i resent being the older sister. I feel like im trapped. being tied to the house. a few years later on, i got more freedom, but she would call to check on me every now and then, she still does that. but i have already developed a sense of hatred whenever i see the caller id flash ' Mummy- Incoming'.

When im in my room using the comp, watching videos, playing games, BLOGGING.. she would just enter my room like nobody's business and stand next to me, look at me, look at the comp, for about 30 seconds den say "playing the comp again.." den go out.. it always happens.. it can happen like a few times a night.. i know probably she's looking for someone to chat with, but here's what happens when i talk to her..

XY: (talks to mum about random things a mother and a daughter would talk about)
half the time - Mummy: (no answer.. she's like looking at the tv, not watching the tv and her mind is somewhere else)
the other half of the time- Mummy: (10 secs later).. Eh sorry i wasn't listening, i was thinking of stuff..

How do i communicate with her?!!! IM PISSED OFF. I START HATING HER. im so super upset and i feel that she doesn't love me anymore, especially ever since i keep hanging with CY. And whenever im on the phone with Cy, i always keep my door closed but not locked, 1 out of 3 times she will just enter as and when she likes and interrupt our conversation! sometimes when im having a bad day i'll just start breaking down after she leaves the room. i hate it, i hate to get interrupted for nothing!! i dunno, maybe she wants to have a bit of love that i have for CY, maybe she wants to check on me to see whether im being bullied by him, but i want my privacy! im fucking 22 this year and there are things i dun want my mother to know!

like there was one instance i was having a very bad mood swing day, i just started crying over the phone (i cry very silently btw, even when i sniff my nose i do it quietly) to let out my emotions and THEN SHE ENTERED MY ROOM AND GAVE THE 'WTF HAS CY DONE TO MY DAUGHTER!!' LOOK. this was one thing i surely didn't want to let her know because she'll let her imagination run wild. i had to chase her out of my room.

i know mothers are very protective, but that doesn't equate to being not supportive and discouraging. she's protective, and always splashes cold water on me. my parents dun have a good marriage and so she always tells me to be wary of CY, that he'll change once he's out in the working society and such, and it breaks my heart to hear all those things! C'mon! Im your daughter! Be happy for me! Dun curse me! Support me! Dun say things that will make me doubt my relationship! she thought we broke up when CY hasn't been to my house for some time, she thought we broke up when i cried on the phone while talking to him, she just keeps thinking that we won't last. so how many fucking times u want your daughter to have break ups? i want her support, i want her encouragement, her concern her love and not her doubt! I used to ask for her opinions on things i can't decide on but she just keeps splashing me cold water, so now i really can't find anything to talk to her about already. i dun want to get bombed again and again.

There are still many other issues i have with her but i would not like to disclose it on my blog. what can i say? she's my mother. just like Rapunzel's 'mother' would always sing, 'Mother~~~... Knows Best!'.

im a useless friend

2010-12-16T00:33:00.002+08:00

I've been keeping my true feelings inside for very long. Im 21 now, should finally let it out somewhere.

Few years ago, something happened, and what i feared the most has become the situation now.

I can't help but feel very disappointed and upset. I knew, something like that was going to happen. You take relationships too seriously, and look where we are now. Everytime i think of you, i think of us when we were in secondary school. I could talk to you, and you would talk to me, we had some fun together and i was still your friend. Then we decided to try to move a step further, but it didn't work out. I dun even know why it didn't work out. There wasn't even a try. It just ended abruptly and i nv asked why. I know you wouldn't tell me the truth about how you feel so i could only try to guess and figure out what's wrong.

But i got over it quickly. I took a step back to where we were as friends. I care for you genuinely, as a friend and i still wished we could still be as happy as we were as friends. But you're still there, still walking in circles in the already long gone relationship. You can't treat me like a friend anymore. I waited. I observed. I hoped. I want us to be friends like normal again. But it's been so long, whatever bonds we had is all into the rubbish bin, transported to the incineration plant and burnt into ashes.

Whatever hopes i had, whatever friendship that i cherish is all nothing but one-sided. All i get is "i feel guilty towards her". Fuck lah nbcb. Why all the guys like to feel guilty towards me? Okay lah, so guilty then give me half of your salary every month from now till you get married lah! as compensation! zzz.. Or go and have another girlfriend who treats you like trash and treat that as retribution. ZZZZZZ!!!! that's exactly what my first bf told me when he and his last gf were together.

But you know what? I dun give a damn. I dun care whether your gf is good or not. You need to change your attitude towards a relationship. And towards me. This is really not what i want at all. Zero. Kosong. Ling dan. I'll tell you what i want.

I truly care for you, as one of my besties. Not only just me, we all care for you. And we really really really wish that we can share your troubles and comfort you when you're down. OPENLY. not trying to guess here guess there behind your back abt what the eff happened to you. I know you dun want to burden us with your problems, but look at us? dun u know us well? what are friends for?

Joanne keep telling me, " You should go talk to him!... You should go and tell him this!!" but you're not telling me anything. So here i am, typing meaninglessly ranting meaninglessly, pretending i dunno anything in front of you. Joanne didn't tell me anything, i guessed whatever i know by myself. So there are still many things that i have no clue about, and i hope that one day we all can know abt what's going on from you.

I know, you dun wan to say. Dun say lor. Keep everything to yourself. You'll find yourself with less and less people to talk to and more and more miserable after that. But that's your choice right? As your friends, we should just be there for you and give you support silently right? I understand. But are we still your friends? Ya, very useless ones.

give me certainty

2010-12-14T18:42:00.002+08:00

It drowned. just drowned.

i keep wondering what im doing, i have many doubts, and i feel unhappy. unwanted. unloved. uncared for. taken for granted, not appreciated.

i know, i always have this problem, i always do the same thing and in the end? nothing good comes out from it. did i do anything wrong? it's not wrong, i know it's not wrong. but heaven makes it seem to be wrong. im having the same miserable feelings again. i never thought that i would have those feelings again but i was wrong.

im so tired. so freaking tired. and im so mad. pissed. i dun wan to experience the same pain twice. fuck it. im doing all i can to make this work, but i can clearly see it going down. im damn tired, so weak and vulnerable i swore the thought of giving up flashed through my mind.

im not a quitter, and i hate myself for being weak. and stupid and foolish and naive. i dunno what else to say. there's just too many things going through in my mind right now. maybe i just need to cool down.

Need to destress

2010-04-21T01:26:00.001+08:00

I need to destress.

I've cried everytime i talked about it. I think those tears aren't gonna stop rolling down my cheek until someone throws me a life jacket and pulls me out from the BOTTOMLESS PIT and until i see kharma strike back right at them!!

Assholes. I've missed my period because of the never ending stress i get from them. Knn. Zombies must have ate their brains.

how to grow money

2010-04-05T00:18:00.004+08:00

I have a lot of wants this year.. and in this world, everything needs money.. Gotta list them down and work hard to achieve them!

My craved wants:
1. Motorola Milestone~ gosh i just like it soooo much im getting it by this weekend i dun care!
2. Lose a lot a lot of fats/weight - 2 months. June. More exact, it's 8th June.
3. Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~. Price drop by half pls? lolol.
4. A bicycle - not so urgent yet. maybe after June.
5. I want to curl my hair!! must wait til its long long.
6. A flat screen HDtv. mmm. :) (can live without it, it can wait.)
7. Save up money for the future. Gonna join OCBC, DBS queue too long. Start from this month.
8. Get ABRSM Grade 8 theory. RAWR! okay gotta revise really soon if i really want to get Grade 8.
9. MacBook? I still want to become a songwriter. I seriously wonder when?

I still haven buy my bag! :( and i need knee length trousers also.
A lot to work for, i need more money! And i'll be jobless in June, so if anyone has any lobangs please tell me okay? :)

Oh and how can i forget? I want to go on a holiday!

10. Renew the darn expired-4-years-ago passport. (ya 4 years nv go overseas already. sad right.)

Independence coming to 100%.

where that confidence go?

2010-03-29T00:47:00.002+08:00

Can't stop doubting.
Can't stop losing faith.
Can't stop thinking.
Can't stop crying.

Just can't stop feeling miserable.
Can't lose.

Don't doubt.
Don't panic.
Don't lose faith.
Don't be afraid.
Don't cry.

Just let him hug you and believe him when he says he really loves you. He has his own past which you can't erase. You have your own past which he can't erase. The past is past.

Have some confidence and don't think too much.

Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much. Don't think too much.

You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only. You're the best and only.

Come on. You can do better.

happy 21st birthday to me

2010-03-25T00:02:00.002+08:00

me being anti-social, my birthday celebration was only with my best buds. -exceptforstanleyng(*#&@%&!^*(#$&(*&@-

Everything just didn't seem to go my way when i planned for a bigger celebration.. On the day of celebration, the sky had to rain and dampen my spirits.

All in all it was still a good day, i had lots of fun in wild wild wet, but i so regret something that i did, that was to extend my invitation to someone. Someone i wished i'd never ask along. What in the world was i thinking?

My parents didn't celebrate with me. No birthday outing, no birthday song. Not even a cake. They didn't forget my birthday but we didn't celebrate at all. You know how much i want to cry but no tears will come out? Funny thing is, it was my bf's mother and sister who sang me a birthday song and cut a cake with me.

Apart from the lovely friends who celebrated with me, 21 this year, really sucked.

use your heart

2010-03-12T00:20:00.002+08:00

Everyone knows about the Jack Neo scandals right? Have you all seen the media press conference video on MSN website?

http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-sg&vid=9c1f50be-f1d7-4d9a-a525-c4761276655f&from=imbot_en_sg_default&fg=rss

Jack Neo put all the blame on himself.. Said it's all his fault.. BUT!!! he NEVER apologise.. he nv say sorry at all leh.. okay fine nv say also nvm.. but did u all think he felt sorry? and the crying thing was uberly FAKE,, The speech was like say already equals to nv say? we all know it IS HIS FAULT.. we ALL KNOW that his wife SUFFERED the most INSUFFERABLE.. we ALL KNOW that he's super lucky that his wife FORGAVE HIM.. dun need to say all these right? in chinese it's called 'fei hua'.

Okay, maybe you think im biased against Jack Neo.. Well then let's set aside my biaseness and use our hearts to feel the emotions involved in that video..

Did you feel that he was remorseful? Or did you cry along with his wife?

There's something inside us, as human beings, that can sense truthfulness/truth.. I believe we all can tell who was more honest in the video.. Anyhow, it's not something that i should be concerned with,, so all my comments about it shall stop right here.

Why must one break the trust, the bond, and the closeness built together over the years with your loved one? am i just too young to understand?

i want leh

2010-03-10T22:40:00.002+08:00

why why why cannot login!! :(

wanted to upload photos but camera no batt!! :(

wanted to book chalet but fully booked!! :((

wanted to eat udon but dad threw it away!! :(((

but its okay.. im still happy :))

few things i want for my birthday.. tell ya next time!

half a good karma

2010-02-28T22:19:00.002+08:00

Wow surprise surprise.

Somebody came to my house and gave me 3 cards today. My poly ez-link card, my nebo card and MY ID CARD.

I lost them more than half a year ago.. in my favourite pink pouch together with some other cards and some cash.. but only 3 cards came back.. I wasn't at home when the person came to my house.. My brother said it was an old auntie who found it and she said she found it in a rubbish bin next block.. I guess she must be the old auntie who always dig through bins to find recycables.. and found them half a year ago and put them in her house and forgot about it for half a year until today.. -.-

I would have jumped for joy and screamed and cried and partied if i got them back half a year ago, but I am still very happy and thankful to get them back now.. Sometimes, new replacement cards just cannot replace your old ones..

Last year, i found some US student's wallet and managed to return it to her..
Do you believe in karma? Lol..

Post cny

2010-02-24T00:27:00.003+08:00

Suddenly addicted to this 8 year-old song? She's so pretty~ =)

Chinese New Year week passed so quickly man.. And now it's tuesday of already!! After blogging im going to sleep, and when i wake up, it's going to be the mid of the week!! Then it's gonna be Zh's bday, then my cousin's, chloe's and victor's, then colin's, then MINE............. also one of my pri sch frens' n joanne's grandma's.. LOL..

you know, Joanne you're right, Feb really pass very quickly.. Feels like the best month of the year to me.. though i can only compare it with Jan.. JAN SUCKS..

Kinda wish that Feb wun end so that March doesn't come... -.-

恨

2010-02-11T21:37:00.002+08:00

我知道恨一个人自己也会很难过，特别是自己的家人，更是伤心欲绝。

他几时才不会无理取闹？几时才会醒悟? 几时才可以像其他人的爸爸一样，和自己的女儿说说笑笑，一点距离感也没有？太迟了，我都21岁了，我7岁之前的那个爸爸不见了，之后的14年，我越大就越讨厌他。

幸福温暖的父爱，我这辈子难享了。因为我们的缘分实在太浅了。
所以今年他给我的$50, 看来还不到时候收下。
今年不收，也需下次要等很久了。

maybe i shud do the same

2010-02-11T21:19:00.002+08:00

I simply cannot remember when was the last time he bought clothes for me.. or even gave me money to buy clothes..

This year my mum gave me $50 and said he gave it to me to buy cny clothes.. Of cos i gladly took it.. But now.. Fuck it..

I'd rather i never took it..

Almost the same day!!

2010-02-10T23:43:00.001+08:00

My dear bf got his driver's license on 11 Feb 2009..

My dearest Joanne got hers TODAY!!! 10 Feb 2010!! YAY!!!

Hmm then maybe i should wait until 9 Feb 2011? Cool ah.. xD

It's Me lah!!

2010-02-09T23:18:00.006+08:00

Hello all the female links i have on my sideboard~~ and the friends of those links..

If you have been tagged by some stupid blogshop called PrettyBox trying to advertise on your tagboard, it's me lah.. -.- gosh only 1 person in the world will ever reply back saying 'Please do not advertise on my blog'... -.-"!! i dunno whether to :) or :( -.-~~~~

Anyway that's the thing i've been secretly preparing for.. ^^v my first online blog shop.. trying out for fun.. okay the url is
http://the-prettybox.blogspot.com
HELP ME SPREADDDD K? AND SUPPORT ME TOO.. :P

Oh no.... Valentine's and CNY is coming!!! in less than 1 week!!! and i STILL haven buy my clothes yet!!! ARGHHH!! cannnooott... T_T so many things need to prepare for cny also.. actually is so many things i want to buy!!!

Clothes, shoes, bags, nail polish, a really good waterproof mascara and eyeliner, and undergarments!!! almost forgot about my undergarments!! outside new, inside also must new right? den when i play mahjong maybe will have more luck? lol..

i can't think of how i want to celebrate my birthday.. the thing is the things u can do in singapore are so limited.. it HAS TO BE chalet.. there's like no other way to celebrate 21st bday right? and chalet is so troublesome, you have to book the place, prepare for bbq, prepare activities, entertain your relatives that will come and celebrate with you etc etc.. my cousin just had hers 2 years ago and she had HELL LOTS OF FRENS.. she booked the bungalow one.. and it was 100% packed with like 200 people??? and then for me i will just have my dmat lovelies and my sec sch friends + Mr NCY that will probably make less than 20? a bit pointless to have chalet hor? -.-

or maybe i should just do what i want? ya i want to go and ride a rollercoaster.. nope nv been on the real actual big one for the 21 years i lived.. sad right? nope i dun see any rollercoasters in singapore..

guess it's still chalet in the end..

Im wishing for a GREAT valentine's day!! xD

2nd post of 2010

2010-01-26T23:09:00.002+08:00

This is my second post in this year.. So far so good! :)

In the previous post i said i was gonna change, my job, and i did! So far, everything seems too good to be true.. The new job, the new competition, my very lovely die-hard beloved friends and my dearest boyfriend.. :) maybe the tiger year isn't so bad after all? Or is it just an illusion created by the tiger who will torture us later on in the year?

Coincidentally, 2012 is the dragon year.. And last time in Chinese history there was this playful little dragon that flooded the earth.. and then 2012 is like end of the world where there 'will' be tsunami and such.. I find it quite amusing..

Anyway.. Im trying to do something.. Right now im still trying to solve some problems.. When im done i'll let everyone know.. Everyone must support me okay? x)

Next monday the result will be out, i hope i got in. -fingers crossed-

just do it

2010-01-11T22:06:00.002+08:00

It is time to change.

For 3 months i have been thinking and thinking, taking out my brain and my heart to compare, making the wrong decisions, giving myself so much pressure that it's starting to affect my relationship..

I have decided, i will end all these misery in 2 weeks. So what if the company gives you 3-6 months bonus? So what if you get to go to work late and go home early everyday? Im always doing nothing there, wasting my time and my youth and my talent.. I dun belong there.. Im leaving.. for sure.. if you guys ever hear me say that im not sure about it again, please slap me and wake up my idea!

I know i have been a bit too emotional lately.. i just have to end it.. and start a fresh.. if i dun end this, i cant even talk about starting afresh..

Deadline: 22Jan2010. Set.

dun act like you know

2009-12-28T20:29:00.002+08:00

i have never had any moral support from her for anything at all.. at least for me i didn't see her show it..

Dun support me it's okay.. but dun pour cold water on me.. and dun question my ability when you dun know anything.. you want to pour cold water on everything i do, on every decision i make, you're just gonna make me not tell you anything i wanna do in future.. some people might say this is one kind of concern but i hate it.. I dun need parents who constantly reminds you of how evil and negative this world is.. you've just crossed the line by criticising my relationship with cy..

All men will change, that's what you said.. so you want me to be unmarried? or you want me to be lesbian? or you want me to go and toy men and hate men? you wanna see our relationship crumble to prove that you're right?

I just feel so mad because you spoke ill of him.. you made it sound like im a terrible girlfren that dunno how to keep her guy's heart and that he's just like any other guy out there that will dump me in the end.. Whatever happened between dad and you is YOUR problem.. I feel so angry tat you're always being so negative about everything..

If i ever got married one day, i will wish and pray that you won't say :'You must protect yourself, men will change eventually' on my wedding day or i wun serve tea to you. Will you ever learn when to say the right things?!

heaven knows i dun wan it

2009-12-22T13:03:00.002+08:00

once again, my heart is unable to settle down, it's not finding any peace..

why did i ever say i want to stay on? was it a wise choice or a dumb choice? my heart is refusing to stay there and i can feel it more and more unwilling to stay there every time i think of the decision i gave 2 weeks ago..

Yeah it's been 2 weeks and there are no news abt it..

Is it too late to say i dun wan it now?

Im scared.

hmm hmm hmm =)

2009-12-11T15:37:00.002+08:00

What do you do when you only have 1 task at work which you can finish in 10 minutes and there's still 3 more hours till 5pm?

You stretch your 10 mins to 3 hours :) well, i only managed to stretch to 2 hours, it's not easy lol. Every 15 min do 10% lol..

Hopefully tonight we could go and watch the Storm Warriors..

Anyone watching Avatar? Looks like a damn good movie :)))

I love the following video HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Andrea Bocelli is LOL-ing inside too..

which is better

2009-11-24T22:52:00.003+08:00

Im deciding whether i should quit my job and take a break for a couple of months and repace my footsteps..

I feel so aimless.. like life is meaningless.. working is meaningless.. and i dun have time to do the things that i like WHILE i still can.. im tired.. i need more rest.. i need to feel refreshed again.. just like i told cy, ever since i wasn't a student anymore, i have lost a part of my happiness.. how i wished time stopped in dmat..

There is a very likely chance that i am able to become a permanent staff at where i work at now.. but if i quit now, ya know.. ya.. like that lor.. but i will have time to do the things i want to and have a good rest..

So which should it be? Any enlightment?

how can i

2009-11-10T18:40:00.002+08:00

If there's one word to describe it, the word starts with an F.

I dun want it, I dun like it, I want to get rid of it..

But how can i get rid of it when it is the evidence, the baby, the fruit of our love? It's all you ever pampered me with..

It's food.

Food----> Fat-----> F**k la.

I was slim but i was unhappy.

Now im happy, IM FAT! WTHHHHHH.

i runno

2009-11-05T22:51:00.002+08:00

no thoughts.
no plans.
no urge.
no direction.

the 9 to 5 cycle is taking over me.

Zombieness.

i thought i could

2009-10-19T18:22:00.002+08:00

im pondering..

i thought i could accept it and take it well..

i really didn't know how to react, maybe i shouldn't have asked in the first place.
i couldn't act like i didn't mind because i mind..
i couldn't act like im okay with it because im not okay with it. I used to think that i'll be okay with it but i wasn't so right.

i was so angry so angry so angry i swear i wanted to bang my head on the wall. i couldn't understand why you had to do this when i was just right behind you, i was there for you. i didn't bang my head on the wall so i let it all out by crying out loud. i was in pain. my heart was in pain. i felt like i wasn't good enough for you.

but it hurt me most when i saw that u were as upset as me. i never want to see that sadness ever again. the truth is, it's not such a big deal, it's common, i am really not good enough, and i wasn't really there for you.

It's hard to determine who is right and who is wrong in this scenario. I dunno how else i should have reacted and i also dunno what to do about it..

I know, time will heal the pain and maybe i will gradually accept it. Nothing's gonna change our love. We'll work it out somehow.

borned this way

2009-10-13T22:27:00.002+08:00

So pretty~~~~ and not yet handsome but talented!! yup im one of those who wish and truly believe that they would be back together.. cant find the other video which i love a lot..

It's their destiny!! LOLOL.

something wrong with me

2009-10-09T23:16:00.000+08:00

I just feel that my life isn't supposed to be this way....

truancy truancy

2009-10-09T13:41:00.002+08:00

I skipped ~~class~~ work today! :) like i skipped classes in school..

time for a nap..

sweet afternoon.. -please dun make random ppl like relatives and tele-surveyors call my house, PLEASE!-

Goodnight.

thats it. finished.

2009-10-06T19:42:00.003+08:00

My warehouse manager went on a business trip to Johor today.. To check the metals stored in the warehouses over there.. He was often hard to reach, through phone, and it was no surprise that nobody could get to him today in the office..

At about 4 plus, Stepney, our office manager, dashed into our Boss's room and they closed the door.. I saw our Boss put both his hands on Stepney's shoulders and they sat down together.. I did my work as usual.. Stepney and Boss came out of the room and I didn't really sense anything wrong.. and then it was around 5pm, a few of us were thinking about going home already.. A few already stepped out of the office but they were called to come back..

Everyone was called to the meeting room.. The door was closed.. Boss's face was red and we thought he was gonna scream at us or something.. Then he said..

"Something serious has happened... There has been an accident and Loh is dead."

He fell from the top of the stocks.. Details were not really known..

Until now, those 3 shocking words still keep repeating over and over again in my mind.. Boss said he was sent to the hospital but he didn't make it in the hospital..

There goes a life.. He was such a kind man.. The relationship of the people in my office is very close.. We never really had the feeling of "Superiors" and "Subordinates".. I was a little girl to him and he was a nice uncle to me.. Every man there is Uncle.. Every woman there is either Aunty or fren fren..

After work, Boss and the rest went to my warehouse manager's house to break the news. I just cannot imagine the pain. He is the first person whom I know, even though it's just a short 3 months, who passed away.. and so suddenly..

Everyone was so shocked.

Never sick of the good stuff

2009-10-05T22:40:00.004+08:00

Imagine Umbrella topping the charts again~~.. for another 12 weeks per version? LOLOL..

AND YES! THE BOYBAND THING!! SO TYPICAL BOYBAND MTV.. though now they're black not white.. and i can imagine BSB singing Beat Again..

It's suitable for BSB lor.. Better than that what shot thru my heart? straight thru my heart? Straight thru my heart thus my heart wun beat again..

Worst interview ever

2009-10-01T22:54:00.003+08:00

I had a rather serious headache after the worst interview ever in my 20 years of life.

I thought abt his questions. I really thought about some stuff seriously.

What do i really like to do? As in what kinda job do i like?
I dun like to work at all. Song writing? Not really.. i like writing songs as a hobby and i only want to be a songwriter because of its royalty money.. and you have to be a successful songwriter to have good royalty money.. it's not because i am truly passionate about writing songs.. Am i?

So what am i truly passionate about?
I live for love. Love is all i ever wanted in my life. If he ever had to work in India or Africa, i will follow him no matter what. If i were to be the husband and he the wife, i would just find a very good job and do it and dun think too much.. I want to be able to spend a lot of time with him doing the things we like to do together.. even if it's just sitting at the sofa and watching tv.. So many people out there are slogging so hard that they dun spend quality time with their loved ones.. They see work as their meaning of life.. they dun think sitting together watching tv is meaningful.. But i think that's very meaningful..

I dun like to work for the sake of money.. its irritating but thats how the world works.. Without money, how are you going to buy the sofa and the tv in the first place?

Sometimes i just feel very weak and i need a shoulder to lean on.. but i will never give up my dreams.. and so the next day i'll just continue to work on my dream..

Please be there for me.

Sispec

2009-09-22T22:56:00.003+08:00

I took leave from work on Friday so i could spend a long long Hari Raya weekend.. and yet, 4 days passed like i was only having a dream, so quickly and a bit unreal.

Anyway, we went to Comex 2009 and i successfully bought a camera! YAY! The price slash there is too exciting for me.. Can't even think properly of which to buy.. But in the end i got the camera i liked from quite long ago.. My first camera at the age of 20. How sad. Now all i need is photos! -hints-

Seriously if i had the money, i would buy a TV, headphones and Mac too.. Really awesome deals.. And of course, i would get a new computer for him too.. IFFF i had the moolah. IF.

Heartbeat has been irregular lately.. Expecting an attack soon.

Gotta go rest.

Screw NS!

2009-09-13T00:59:00.003+08:00

Everyone's supposed to march 24km on the day they POP-ed, which was a tuesday. His coy marched 16km. Thats not a good thing because everyone's got to return to that stupid island to do their 24km, from the start, on a friday. Okay lor, friday morning in, friday evening out.

Friday evening out, friday night 1030 RETURN back to that cursed island again, for Guard Duty.

Nope he's not out until tomorrow morning, IF EVERYTHING GOES WELL.

We just cant wait for all these to be over.

See this post's title? Say it out loud.

he has pop-ed

2009-09-09T22:35:00.000+08:00

After 3 long months of waiting, he has finally POP-ed. means he passed and graduated from the BMTC phase. he has 13 days including that hari raya holiday before the same routine starts again. and yet, i have no time for him until weekends again. the thought of giving up my job is actively running around in my head since there's nothing to do at the company and the pay is low. then the thought of my family pops out. being wilful is not a choice.

i want my own time to do the things i want to do, to be with ppl i want to be with.. but money is how the world works.. what to do..

I just hope after enduring all these years, everything will turn out to be just fine.

<3

2009-09-05T01:24:00.001+08:00

i know u read my blog secretly when im asleep..

come and give a hug when you see this.. =)

not in the mood

2009-08-28T23:13:00.000+08:00

Today, someone said im not pretty right in front of me, not directly to me, but he was standing in front of me, like one reception desk apart, telling my colleague who was standing next to me..

and the thing is, i din even take a look at that uncle who said that.. no idea who he was.. first time in my life someone actually said that in front of me.. amusing.. he say everyone go different taste.. i know he sure like a particular group of china women.. he's old and smelly and only drives a truck and not handsome, any young women should be pretty lor, or at least you can be less rude right? he is truly cowdung.. even those china bitches are too good for him also..

sometimes i also think i not pretty, and sometimes i see some girls on the streets who really look like shit but i dun say them in front of their face right? who does? how i look is none of your business also what.. go tell your other driver colleagues lah.. wah piang eh say right in front of me.. he think he Andy Lau or Brad Pitt ah? COWDUNG LAH.

-mad-

feeling very vexed recently.. sorry if i never go out with you guys or attend gatherings..
really not in the mood..

there are better feelings

2009-08-25T21:29:00.000+08:00

can bad things stop happening to my family?

my parents are both losing their jobs, and probably we're gonna sell the house and downgrade to a smaller one for some cash. it is this serious. though i never mentioned anything about it until now. Soon, it will be just me supporting my family and money i saved to realise my dreams will be used for more practical reasons like feeding us and paying the bills.

There goes my house, my dreams, my freedom once again. Though i don't go home sometimes, doesn't mean i have freedom. I am always always tied down because of some stupid reasons. i can never be free from responsibility.

Yeah i have a boyfriend and i use his money to buy me clothes. I live off him? Maybe, but i could have looked for a richer boyfriend who can help my family pay bills and find jobs and buy me real Ralph Lauren polos instead of clothes that go 50% off from Coax or UNIQlo.

No matter how i try to not go home, act rich, save up, it's always pointless. Nothing changes. The number in my bank account keeps decreasing. I even realise that i start to hate talking to my mother ever since last year. I get very very very vexed. i don't want to hear her voice at all. I hate those things she ask me to do. I really hate it.

I just want to be free from all these. Absolutely totally thoroughly free like the rest of you.

something wrong with blogger's template?

2009-08-18T21:45:00.000+08:00

Hmm, some thoughts about relationship..

It was rather shocking and disappointing when he said he had a 'tai-tai', means wife, in thailand.. For what i know, he has one in Singapore already.. For the past 1 month i have been admiring this man because of his love for his family and grandchildren.. but then he's just another guy who cant be faithful.. and of all countries, the 'tai-tai' had to be from thailand, AGAIN. What's with thailand women ah? They like to be Singaporean men's mistress is it? cos of the money? this is one thing i dun understand, and cant.. I wonder if it just served him right when he said he fell down in the hotel toilet in thailand and was sent to the hospital because his 'tai-tai's' shampoo from the hair was all over the toilet floor.. he almost needed to be wheelbound..

is it really nature for one male to have many mates? i seriously wonder how many men in Singapore who is a Manager of somewhere, over the age of 50, has another wife in thailand.. is it because i have been too naive to know there's many men like this that im overreacting now?

im lost for words. just feeling disappointed.

Welcome to SINGAPORE!

2009-08-13T21:22:00.000+08:00

Stand up for Singapore! Do the best you can!
Reach out for your fellow men! You gotta.. -forgets next line-

Anyway, WELCOME TO SINGAPORE!!

Yup National Day has just passed.. We all know that our country is very unique.. especially its people, like me! but some are just more unique than others.. I call them the Collection Trenders.. cos they love to start a trend to collect something.. Remember the most famous incident of all, Mcdonald's hello kitty collection trend? Then everyone were placing papers, cans and plastics into different bins for recycling collection? (it's a different collection but it's still called a collection) NTUC always ask ppl to collect link points, they even started youth cards called PASSION and NEBO so ppl like us also collect link points..

You want to know what's the latest trend?

It starts in Admiralty's woodlands mart first.. Outside Shop and Save supermarket.. Aunties find themselves a full-time job, standing just right outside the entrance and exit of the supermarket..

Asking ppl who come out from the supermarket for the rebate sticker..

Yes they do!! They just stand there for like a few hours just for the sticker.. they were very polite and they smile and say thank you.. they are very nice but it's a bit extreme to stand there and ask for ppl to give them the rebate stickers.. But then again i think if 1 hour got 3 ppl you sticker, den you dun need to worry about money for food for a day le..

and why i say this is the lastest trend?

Since woodlands mart got ppl station there le, other aunties have found themselves Admiralty MRT station's Shop and Save to copy-cat..

Singaporeans~ =)

hmmm

2009-08-03T20:42:00.000+08:00

Im feeling kinda dizzy now.. like the last time when we had to do POD and stay in school until 10pm for many weeks.. I think this happens when I dun get enough rest and when i have to face the computer for many hours.. Almost lost my balance and fell at Macdonalds just now cos everything i saw was spinning.. Luckily the coming weekend is a long one, can rest more..

But i wanna go out and celebrate! =D NO NOT NAATIONAL DAY. It's our anniversary =)) So sad i didn't get to take part in the national day parade tickets lucy-draw.. =( i wan to go and watch lor.. and summore the goodie bag this year is not bad lor.. yes it's all about the FREE show and fireworks and FREE goodie bag.. xD and i just feel like it..

He lost 4kg within 6 days.. of outfield training camp.. can you believe he lost 6kg from when he actually gained weight after the first 2 weeks of ptp? his belly also half gone le lor.. i think even if girls do the same physical activity, we also wun lose weight so fast one lor..

Feel like joining some singing competition.. Chinese one =) anyone got any good ones to recommend?

Jack Neo got new movie again haha.. during the lunar 7th month one.. Ghost-Comedy film.. Though it may be lame, i think i'll laugh my head off.. HAHA.. wan watch? I'm waiting for thailand to do horror movies.. So far i've watched 4-bia, Coming Soon, the Coffin (that's not thai ah?).. addicted sia.. wanna scare ownself.. LOL.. Anyone watched Aaron Kwok's Murderer? Nice? Or Up? is it out already?

=) can't wait for friday..

dear aunties uncles

2009-07-21T20:51:00.000+08:00

Dear Aunties, Uncles, very-concerned relatives, neighbours and people..

Please do not simply say :"Why you don't want to study?!", just because i am working right now. It's not that i don't want to.. but i don't want to study something that i dun like.. i don't study for the sake of studying.. that is just a total waste of my parent's cpf money.. and if i study something i dun like, means i have to work as something i dun like, and that will be a total waste of my youth and life..

some may say that this kinda of thinking is immature and impractical, but you are not me.. thus i will not waste my breath any further..

Annnnnndd i totally hate it when they compare me with my cousin, who is very much more capable and fortunate than i am.. im happy for her though.. but i believe there are better and more meaninful things to do than compare and gossip.. sometimes one's concern may be another's stress..

money is another issue.. nevermind..

set on making money

2009-07-14T23:08:00.002+08:00

i took a look at the calendar, and it's July 2009.. which means i'll be turning 21 in a few months time..

and then i took a look at my bank account balance..

It's time to earn hell lotsa money.

before you know it, you'll be 25 and wondering why you dun have the money when you need it.

5 years, 12 months, 60 pays.

Do the math.

michael jackson

2009-07-08T22:17:00.002+08:00

If this were the Taiwanese Show Contest where you can win some money by crying within 1 min, I'd be rich.

So many people talked about Michael Jackson's death.. ET's headlines everyday is about that.. And i feel rather angry. There are some guys out there who thinks that their penis is so big it takes over their brain and they think that they are so cool and humorous by saying Michael Jackson slept with his non-biological daughter, never cared about the feelings of his family and don't have the slightest sympathy for them.

Grow up.

Disclaimer: Deon's english is unclear and/or vulgar and/or sarcastic when she is mad.

new beetle

2009-07-06T22:14:00.003+08:00

i saw my dream car today.. the one with roof costs around 70-80k.. the one without roof costs 110-120k.. it's a volkswagen new beetle! it's so cute =))) perfect for 2 people only.. slowly.. i will earn enough to buy me my dream car.. i will! of cos i'll buy the automatic one HAHA!

tsktsktsk.. expensive can.. also dunno good a not.. but.. it's love!

OOMMGGGGGG

2009-07-04T03:01:00.002+08:00

Commercial 1

Commercial 2

MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

shyt to you

2009-07-02T16:19:00.002+08:00

somebody called when i was taking a nap. twice.

WHAT IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM WITH CALLERS NOWADAYS?!

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT WHENEVER I TAKE A NAP I WILL BE INTERRUPTED BY UNKNOWN PHONE CALLS?! i haven napped for months fyi. i had little sleep and bad quality sleep last night and had to wake up early this morning for an interview. Somebody chose to call TODAY.

3.00pm - Nap

3.30+pm - I just fell very comfortably asleep. Phone rings.
"Hello? Is your mother around?"
"No. Who is---"
"Nvm." Hangs up.

4.00+pm - I just started to dream of something nice. Phone fucking rings again.
"Hello? Is your mother around?"
"No. Who is this?"
"(refuses to give a name) Ah, what time will she be back?"
"She's working."
"I know. When will she be back?"
" I dunno. At night? Do you want to leave your name?"
"No its okay. Why dun u give me her hp number? I can text her."

-story stops here-

BULLSHIT LAH THIS KINDA PERSON. YOU DUN WANNA TELL ME WHO YOU ARE, YOU CALLED TWICE, AND YOU JUST ASKED IF MY MOTHER IS AT HOME.

"Hello is your mother around?"
"Oh my mother? I think she has a name. Maybe you know my uncle, aunty, grandma, grandpa, brother, sister too?"

what if that person was looking for someone else's mother? to what i know, any woman who has a child is called Your Mother.

Stupid.Argh.

two is better than one

2009-07-01T00:15:00.002+08:00

:) i've been blog hopping to see what my frens have been blogging about lately..

Some are searching for their beliefs, belief in god, or belief in themselves.. Some spent happy times with their frens.. Some are not blogging.. Some, cant even find their blogs.. -.-

I know i always blog about my love =) but that is how i am.. because to me, i feel like a whole person only with love.. it's magic to me haha..

I hope my frens find their magic to make them a whole person too =)

i don't wanna miss a thing

2009-06-30T01:33:00.005+08:00

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
'Cause I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

One of my favourite movies and soundtrack..

Went to eat swensens and play bowling with the gang today =DD im broke now.. hehe..

orh bi good

2009-06-24T01:12:00.002+08:00

you can always use these 3 words to express your feeling towards somebody..

Orh Bi Good.

2009-06-22T22:06:00.002+08:00

Everyday.. As i got up from my bed.. there is this time of the day i always look forward to.. the only time of the day i get to talk to you..

But today, because of something that happened, which i dunno what, which is none of my business.. It took away my chance of talking to you.. Every tiny little inch of sadness that i tried so hard to keep inside me ever since the day we bade goodbye on that island suddenly just gushed out of me..I am so disappointed.. I didnt know it would hurt so bad either..

Plans of cutting my hair and swimming tmr just doesn't seem so exciting now.. But maybe that will make me feel better..

You know what? This is just the beginning of army life. which means this wont be the last time.

_ _ _ _ (fill in the blanks).

temptation table

2009-06-20T18:48:00.011+08:00

oooohh i just HAVE to upload pictures of the food we had on joanne's bday (tuesday) at her house!! omg..........

the crabs~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the scallops and sparling juice~

the scallops and SHISHAMO!!

smoked salmon..ah.. lets zoom out..

pepper tuna and smoked salmon.. lets zoom out somemore!

its one big sashimi platter! xD

a happy birthday girl~ =)

a happy birthday girl and her dad~ aka the chef!

the wonderful spread!! =9

hello salmon =D

piiiaanng~~

2009-06-19T23:34:00.003+08:00

i am a homewrecker.. literally.. i've swept so many broken pieces of glass recently... -.-

the day before joanne's birthday (the food was love!!) one of my house lights.. they were 6 bulbs in a circle.. then there were 6 glass panels shaped like a flower petal under them so they look like a flower-light.. one of the glass petals, together with its plastic sides(the circumference of the petal was made of plastic).. detached and fell on to the floor.. yes i heard a crack-like sound before it fell.. like 90% fell.. but 10% remained up there... yes the plastic broke into several pieces as well.. luckily no one was standing under it..

then.. on joanne's bday.. at her house..

i broke an empty sparking juice bottle and a mini lightbulb while chasing after a stupid beetle and trying to kill it with a roll of newspapers on my hand.. that was like so -.- nevertheless i killed it.. smashed it a hundred times making sure it will nv survive for actually landing on my hair during the chase..

then.. jus now..

i was trying to take out a little sauce plate.. then a littler one fell from the cupboard and PIAAANG~~~!!.. while sweeping those smaller than ant-size shattered porcelain.. i cut my feet.. though it's just a tiny little cut.. there was blood oozing out.. oh darn it..

please do not let me touch any thing made of glass, porcelain, breakable plastic or shatterable material for the next few days if i ever go to your house.. =(

i think i should buy 4D?

an island on the east

2009-06-14T22:49:00.013+08:00

someone's attached to someone!! ^^ congratulations!!! dadadadadameinv will become even mei with love xD

speaking of love~.. since he's on an island faraway.. i'll just upload some photos to see.. =)

taken during alan's competition at tanjong pagar.. retarded expressions==

During Zhilong's bday at East Coast..

act cool lol

notice our couple polo tee? haha..

very tradition way of bbq-ing..

guess who? ^^

Photos taken on 1 year anni =3

Xy: i said dun mess with me..

Cy: Dun mess with me either..
HAHAHA priceless!

yesterday was one of the most happening days of the month!! the brilliant mastermind *coughsmecoughs* planned a surprise bday celebration for my darling jo~~.. We sneaked into her house when she and jean went to walk alex.. haha.. the feeling of being sneaky was so... sneaky-ish! LOL! Good job everyone!

2 weeks

2009-06-11T22:12:00.002+08:00

He is officially an army boy now..

Im having so much mixed feelings now i cant type out how i feel.. i guess i won't be in the mood to go out tmr.. everyone knows how much time we spend with each other.. we just celebrated the bestest 1 year anniversary ever.. and now.. feels kinda lost.. what i need now is a good day's rest and time to adjust.. good thing is he's coming out on a thursday and going back on a sunday! :)

Anyway.. I really like this new A Mei song!!

I first heard this song in the car with him :)

your death is near

2009-05-31T17:38:00.003+08:00

i am seriously pissed off right now..

this post is specially written for you! YES YOU! the scumbag who found my wallet and took it away and didn't return it to the police or the mrt station..

Maybe you needed the pathetic $16 cash in my wallet.. maybe you needed the money to buy yourself a meal.. but you dun need my IC, my ez-link, my nebo card right?! You dun need the rest of the thing in my wallet right?! WOULD IT HAVE KILLED YOU IF YOU JUST RETURNED IT TO THE MRT STATION?! Maybe you thought I only lost $16.. BUT HELL NO! F--- YOU. YOU SELFISH MONSTER.

Making a new IC costs $100! EZ-Link is PRICELESS cos ITS MY POLY CARD which i can NEVER get it done again! Getting a normal one costs $20. NEBO replacement cost $10. and the most infuriating thing i just found out is that my SERANGOON BROADWAY RECEIPT IS INSIDE. DAMMIT! Means i cannot get back my $50 deposit!!!

I REALLY HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU!! YOUR DEATH IS NEAR.

I really wish that I can find back my wallet..

Libra <3 Pisces

2009-05-29T22:06:00.004+08:00

SUN SIGN COMPATIBILITY
Male Libra and Female Pisces

There's definitely a happening man-woman thing going on here. She is dreamy, romantic and deeply emotional. He is thoughtful, airy, abstract and intellectual. Occasionally Pisces woman likes to daydream, and Libra man is capable of escaping into fantasy with her. Mr Libra is also usually one of the gentler fellows in the Zodiac, and that's important to Ms Pisces since she's extremely sensitive. The only problem is that she may be too emotional for him. Libran blokes are kind and caring etc., but they are basically run by their brains, not their hearts. After a point he may wonder what on earth she's crying about now.

Let's escape into fantasy~ =3 xD

Singtella ella ella eh eh eh

2009-05-28T20:45:00.002+08:00

As the chinese saying goes, Not working for East Company, Then work for West Company.. and i have always always remembered the Palm-Astrology Master Khor's words when he read my palm.. he said i should show off my talents.. show off my capabilities in my working place.. if the company doesnt recognise my talents i shd quit and move on to another company.. THUS! Goodbye~ SGH.

Hello Singtel, i'll be earning from you to pay Starhub! =)

singtel money cheater

2009-05-23T20:54:00.003+08:00

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i want to box someone right now!!! NOOOOOWW!!!!

WHY IS MY INTERNET CONNECTION SO SLOWWWW!! 3 hours to finish download a 1gb file!! half an hour to stream 5 minutes of my hongkong drama!! pay so much for such lousy internet speed?!

-clears throat-

GO TO HELL SINGTEL.

complain time

2009-05-20T21:09:00.003+08:00

it's hard to not complain when one is working in the society. right? lol. there's just a lot to complain about.

i'll start with the toilet..

Can anyone explain to me why the female toilet cubicle seat has water splattered all over it? Did someone try to wash themselves? with toilet water?!?!? i dun care what disgusting thing u do to yourself but i dun wan to sit on a wet toilet bowl.. and i dun want to wipe that bowl for YOU so that I can use.. why not i shyt and den u wipe my butt for me? den u flush for me? don't you have a brain? cant you lift up the toilet bowl seat? Someone should invent a 'wet toilet seat' censor, so if anyone wet the toilet seat, the toilet door facing the queue will show a glowing red colour '~~WET~~SCOLD HER ' word.. best is add some alarm to it, or just lock the person inside until she cleans it. people nowadays....

see lah so irritated by it i forgot what else i want to complain about already..

btw, im not going to uni.. T_T they dun wan me.. fine lor.. i still want to be a song writer.. and I WILL BE ONE.. :)

The Acapella concert that day was better than expected in the first half, but i guess during the 2nd half they became tired already.. Was Salima not feeling well? i thought she looked a bit 'unhigh'.. At some points i kinda missed acapella.. i even imagined myself on that stage.. but somehow i feel my fate with them has already ended.. i see a lot of new and young talents and i smile and i feel so old.. =.= and Hidhir u look a bit old to be in the youth category =X! lol. my heart just tells me that there's another path out there waiting for me..

Anyone tried this song in acapella style? I love Lemon Tree and this version is fascinating.. (if they were more in pitch) but its still good!

steady and stable is what i want

2009-05-10T22:13:00.003+08:00

i can only think of one reason why im working - money.

i need money for so many things.. there are so many things that i want but i could not have them.. even those that cant be bought by money..

and the only thing that motivates me to go to work is you.

there are too many people wearing spectacles in the world. many like to judge. especially those who are new in their industry. and i am frightened by this kind of human behaviour. maybe because im new in this game. i must learn to ignore what others think about me.

There's one saying that goes 'Home is always the best'. i wonder if it really is the best yet. lately i just dun want to go home. i only go home because i feel that it is my responsibility to do so. and i am tired of it. i feel a lot of pressure and unhappiness at home. it's like my heart cannot find a ground. it floats all around and i feel a bit unsafe. maybe this is the after effect of making me stay at home and take care of my brother during the days i wanted to hang out most.

'the more you want to keep me tied, the more i want to be freed'.

journey to the sgh

2009-05-08T14:39:00.003+08:00

it's only Day 5 and i am playing truancy! Anyway for the past 4 days I wasn't at home for a couple of days and when i was at home, i was basically ONLY sleeping..

The train ride was.. ugh.. I remember how we used to complain about going to school, especially when we had to xfer to the EW line at Jurong East.. THAT was just a mini 3-year training.. I work from 830 to 530.. When i go to work, there's no place to sit.. When i go back home, there's also no place to sit.. and Outram Park is definitely further away.. and and and remember Jurong East there cannot get on to the EW line right? Raffles Place there is the same lor!! or worse!! those working adults just squueeeeeeeeezeeeeee and they dun care if their bottoms or boobs got rubbed by strangers.. and they are like very immuned to being stepped by heels.. i SERIOUSLY have no idea how i am going survive..

I know sometimes im being over reliant.. and soon i have to BE, not learn to be, self-dependent..

I really miss music.. i really miss logic and all those recording sessions.. i miss dmat la.. I think only doing music will make me a truly happy person.. that's where my passion lies ultimately.. and i think most of us feel the same way too.. Leave a space for me in the industry!! I'll be back as soon as i finish my job at sgh!!

Did i mention? I lost my wallet.. I have no picture identification cards at all.. Cy and I went to eat bukit gombak's Alif prata.. i remember me still holding the wallet when he was footing the bill.. he drove me home and den i realised my wallet was missing when i was inside the lift.. it's not at home, it's not in the car.. so i must have dropped it unknowingly.. I just wished Singaporeans were more friendly and kind so that anyone who picked it up will return it to me.. But i know i have said it before and i think i will say it again --------------- The last time some kind soul returned me my wallet was when i was in primary school. When our student pass was pink and we paste stamp on it for concession pass.. that was also the last time i couldn't find my wallet..

So any good person out there? i know karma knows im a good person!

Let's meet up and fill me in with the details of the trip ~~and other gossips~~!

the source of comfort

2009-05-03T21:14:00.003+08:00

teng yat zao yiu fan gong le..

li goh lai bai ngoh hai hou mm hoi sum.. ngoh cong fatt seng goh jin xi yi loi, man man lam dou dou wui lao ngan lui.. kei satt ngoh zan hai hou mm gam yun.. hou seh mm tak.. dan hai ngoh mou ban fatt hor yi yuong xi gan dou jun.. ngoh ji yao deng yao kei zek chot yin.. wan fan bei ngoh ngoh hou zan sek ge yeh..

Even though there's nothing that i can do at the moment but wait.. Im fortunate to have a source of comfort.. I need to lean on this pillar for as long as I need to let time wash away those feelings and memories of unhappiness.. But then again, we don't have much time..

I wanted to use her to remember the days we spent together when you are gone.. I thought even though you are not by my side, she could be a replacement.. Someone whom I can see when I think of you.. But now she's gone.. I dunno who I can turn to when i need to feel you are around..

The new her is a cheat.. she doesn't have the memories we shared together.. and i don't have feelings for her.. she only reminds me of the loss.. i don't even feel like seeing her.. im just holding on because you all need her..

some things just cannot be replaced..

the pig flu

2009-05-01T18:32:00.002+08:00

Can you feel the excitment?! The gahment just raised the flu alert from yellow to orange!! As im about to start work in SGH on MONDAY!!

If i were to die in this epidemic, i'll be back to haunt one very special group of people.

I need to eat away my unhappiness.

june is coming

2009-04-27T06:09:00.002+08:00

before 2012 arrives, there is another year to fear.. and that is 2009..

Because this June, some guys are going into army!!!!!!

i need a hug..
i need someone to comfort me and say it's okay..
i need to hear words i need to hear..

i wonder how many of you understand how i feel..

i dun want june to come. (16th's the only exception ;])

it's getting hot and hotter

2009-04-25T05:31:00.002+08:00

are you feeling sweaty? warm? sticky? feel like bathing again even though you just came out from the bathroom? are you cursing the weather? the weather has been so hot these few weeks.. and is it too late to stop global warming from become worse? at this stage, do the 3 Rs - Reduce, Reuse and Recycle still help in delaying global warming?

Global warming is like cancer.. Earth is the body, the Sun is the inactive cell and humans, the bad cells.. You live, breathe, eat, shyt, drink, sleep and work everyday.. Everyday seems normal to you.. until one day you feel very unwell.. and so you went to see a doctor.. the doctor tells you, "Im sorry, these graphic shows that active cancer cells are detected in your body. I suggest a further and thorough check up to be done asap."

Okay.. So with this news, you went for further checkup.. You walked into the doctor's room and you saw him looking very serious.. He said, "The result is positive." huh??? "You are diagnosed with 3rd stage cancer."

You feel like dying.. and you know you're gonna die.. but you dun wan to die.. So you did everything you could to stay healthy.. You were always on time for chemotherapy.. You ate healthy food.. You exercised, slept early.. You swallowed every pill u needed to swallow.. Vitamins, boosters.. You went to church every week.. You are hoping to cheat death.. But in the end, you still died of cancer. Well, you probably lived a year longer, better than being knocked down by a vehicle or crushed to death by a flower pot..

My point is, LOL after so much crapping, i think Earth is gonna die of global warming eventually.. isn't it always too late to realise the seriousness of a problem? Earth probably reached 3rd stage cancer when humans were smart enough to detect it.. What to do? Live while you can.. Pray that you dun see a bomb flying to to you tmr.. or a car.. or a flower pot..

this post is so crappy.

we'll see how it goes

2009-04-20T23:26:00.003+08:00

I passed the interview. ._.

Gonna start work on 4th may -.- somehow i think that im covering duties for a pregnant mummy who is going on maternity leave for 4 months...

time to enjoy the break while it lasts!

unemployed but very tired

2009-04-17T16:51:00.002+08:00

oh we are officially not sp students already ah? but i can still like use my SP pass and get student discounts right? xDDD

i am sooo tired.. even though i sleep a lot.. maybe its bcos i sleep a lot thats why im so tired.. i wanna slp right now..

i went for a job interview.. trying out the Patient service clerk post but i guess i failed the interview miserably.. those 2 interviewers.. that 2 women had the classic SP sch of business lecturers looks.. the sort that i dun like.. and also the sort that won't like me =) what a wonderful world.. they asked a stupid question.. "So you will be continuing your studies after the end of Aug?" -the post clearly states that they only hire until the end of Aug- what you expect me to answer?

"Ya duh. You stated clearly that the job is until END OF AUG. do you expect me to work for you after aug and give up my studies? I don't even think that you will know if your company still needs temps by then. You think I can predict the future meh? Maybe your past 3 years have been the same so you can probably predict that your next 3 years will be equally miserable. Auntie."

No lah didn't say that. Some voice inside of me said that though. They say wait for phone call.. =.=

Have you eaten Mcdonald's meal lately? Realised that morning is aunties serving and afternoon and night is xiao didi xiao mei mei serving? -random-

There are some things in life that you cannot choose.. you can only accept fate.. it's frustrating and depressing at times.. especially when you want something very very much but you just don't have the capabilities to get it.. you can only watch as Heaven waves those chances in front of you and slowly taking them away.. So many many chances.. And there's nothing you can do but swallow all the pain and keep them all to yourself.. It's so hurtful at times it makes you too afraid to have dreams.. And when the next chance pops up in front of you, you already lost all courage to grab it..

All i want is support and encouragement. But im not getting it. I haven't gotten it for years.

Scatman

2009-03-30T01:46:00.003+08:00

One of my favourite trance songs on the blog now.. Scatman John.. took out jimmy's song cuz it was simply disturbing to hear my lecturer's voice on my blog..

Scatman John - Scatman

(Scatting)
I'm the Scatman
(Scatting)
I'm the Scatman
(Scatting)

Everybody stutters one way or the other
So check out my message to you.
As a matter of fact don't let nothin' hold you back.
If the Scatman can do it so can you.

Everybody's sayin' that the Scatman stutters
But doesn't ever stutter when he sings.
But what you don't know I'm gonna tell you right now
That the stutter and the scat is the same thing.
Yo I'm the Scatman.

Where's the Scatman? I'm the Scatman.

Why should we be pleasin' all the politician heathens
Who would try to change the seasons if the could?
The state of the condition insults my intuitions
And it only makes me crazy and my heart like wood.

Everybody stutters one way or the other
So check out my message to you.
As a matter of fact don't let nothin' hold you back.
If the Scatman can do it brother so can you.
I'm the Scatman.

(Scatting)

Everybody stutters one way or the other
So check out my message to you.
As a matter of fact don't let nothin' hold you back.
If the Scatman can do it brother so can you.

I'm the Scatman.

I hear you all ask 'bout the meaning of scat.
Well I'm the professor and all I can tell you is
While you're still sleepin' the saints are still weepin' cause
Things you call dead haven't yet had the chance to be born.
I'm the Scatman.

The Scatman John's dead =(

Wikipedia says:

John Paul Larkin (March 13, 1942–December 3, 1999), better known as Scatman John (sometimes credited as Scatman internationally), was an American stuttering jazz musician and poet who created a unique fusion of scat singing and house music, best known for his 1994 hit "Scatman (Ski Ba Bop Ba Dop Bop)".

Born in El Monte, California, he suffered from a severe stutter "since [he] started talking", which led to an emotionally traumatic childhood... ... .. .. .. ... ... ... .. .. At age 12 he began to learn piano, and was introduced to the art of scat singing at 14... ... ... ... .... ..

What is Scat singing? =X

He's a Piscean!! Piscean RAWKS!! <3

爱你不是爱给别人看

2009-03-28T05:40:00.004+08:00

爱你不是爱给别人看 - 叶良俊

也许下次见面的时候
心中会有一丝茫然恍若隔世
毕竟我们从不曾分别那么久
月光正明亮把我们分隔两方

每次相爱我总不设防
无能为力面对任何谣言和中伤
你去回想过去我对你怎么样
让你去猜疑是我最大的遗憾

冷冷夜色总是教人彷徨
我不相信那是因为太孤单
爱情世界可以是很简单
我不相信相爱下场是如此荒凉

我爱你不是爱给别人看
何必去管别人怎么讲
别让世界教你迷惘
我爱你不是爱给别人看
何必去猜别人怎么想
在你心中留个地方
容许我坚持向你证明
爱真的可以地老天荒

haha~.. going to Jimmy's house for the gathering already!!.. ALL JIMMY FANS OUT THERE BE JEALOUS OF ME!! WAHAHA!! nope i haven been listening to pop songs lately.. i just dun feel like listening to all those appeal-to-the-mass kinda songs at all.. and i tune in to Class95 can you believe it?!?! the TOO-OLD (20) down-syndromes are all coming to me~..

i haven been able to slp at night too.. yeah its 6am le i haven slp!! but once i fall asleep i wake up around evening =.= and and and i wanna play badminton also!! GOSH jio mi play!! i wanna sweat some fats off!!!

There are so many things i wanna do~ other than play a certain computer game.. =X but before my mummy come to check on me again and scold me for not sleeping yet.. i will go and slp now..
YES SHE STILL CHECKS ON ME.. SHE JUST WOKE UP AT 4 PLUS TO DO SO.. T_T

~~Good Morning~~ Nights~~..

too old~

2009-03-23T21:11:00.002+08:00

Ah! I changed the blogskin!! and the blardy *@%#%^$#&$#$%^# tagboard.. =D c-box sux.. i really really cannot see the tagboard, it doesn't load.. so i changed it to Shoutmix! Cmon leave a tag! xD

I realized i never blog anything about my birthday.. as if nothing happened~.. LOL.. Really very happy to see all your birthday wishes in facebook/sms/call/msn~~ thank you all~~

woody woodpecker

2009-03-23T05:27:00.002+08:00

Communication, Compromise and Commitment. sounds familiar? it's Abel's famous speech topic of year haha..

why does a man fall in love with a woman? or why does a woman fall in love with a man? when they can't understand each other?

Woman: " Why can't he try to understand me?! "
Man: "I dun understand her at all~... -.-"

i am curious to know how a man's brain works.. seriously.. i wan to compare it to a woman's.. or mine.. my questions to men:

1. How do you feel when someone u love dun understand you?
a. nothing, like that lor
b. =.=, forget it
c. angry, wanna kill somebody
d. depressed, thinks that it is a problem that needs to be solved

2. How will you react/respond to the following statement:
Girlfriend: "You never take me out one."
a. no reaction
b. "Sorry lah."
c. " Sorry honey, where do you wanna go?"
d. "Sorry honey, I already planned on taking you out to dinner and movie tmr." (even though it's a lie)

3. How will you react/respond to the following statement:
Girlfriend: "Wah!! I want this shoes/bag/clothes/soft toy very long le!! 50% sale leh!"
a. no reaction
b. "You buy lor."
c. "Nice meh?" Try to drag her away from the shop.
d. "You wan? I buy give you."

im not trying to be a stereotype but i do have some expected answers in my head..

sometimes its just hard to try to get someone you love to understand you.. and even though you have voiced it out, they still dun get you.. -bang head against wall- worse still, they misunderstands you and thinks that you are acting crazy.. -grabs and bangs his head on the wall-

bottling things up inside and not talking about it will ONLY make matters worse.. but how exactly can things be voiced out with the other party understanding your point?

yes it's monday blues.

i <3 boybands

2009-03-13T05:56:00.003+08:00

ahh.. boybands.. why are they no more decent boybands these days?! What happen to all the "I love you but you broke my heart so bad" kinda songs?! Well i guess they became I f**ked you but you broke my d**k so bad" kinda songs..

O Town is releasing a new album!! Nah.. it's just my instinct since this song suddenly, VERY suddenly was playing in my mind when i played viwawa just now~~..

Don't you just love this song? I vividly remember this song topped the charts on Power98 EVERYDAY back then.. yeah they had a daily top 10 or top 20 chart.. oh i was still in primary school lol.. do they still have it? xD and i seriously dun like Westlife's newer version to it.. And speaking of no more decent boybands nowadays.. i meant tat Westlife, BSB and whoever is still alive ARE OLD.. Where are my young and pretty-faced, flawless skin, long center-parting fringe guys?!?!?! OR at least they could have gone for Botox or facelift or something.. =X and and and, back then, westlife and bsb were not the groups that had the most handsome guys in their team..

Here's the kinda center-parting hair, flawless skin guys im talking about xDDDDD!! Mark and Ben!!

But then, that particular center-parting hair guy's fashion sense of sleeveless tightwear reminds me of someone we all know.. =.= argh stupid spoiler image..

Nevermind~

Classic boybands.. Classic songs~~ Long live the boyband love!! <3!!!

Away from her

2009-03-11T04:53:00.002+08:00

I watched this movie finally.. it's called Away From Her.. it came out a couple of years ago.. and i didn't get to catch it in the cinemas because it was only showed in Cathay's Picturehouse and Joanne was away to China for itp and nobody had the time to watch it with me T_T

The movie is about love.. It's about a couple who was married for 45 years but the wife developed Alzheimer and had to move to a home for people like her.. She met a man there and fell in love.. She wore orange yellow coloured clothes which she didn't like in the past.. She forgot who her husband was.. Her husband visits her everyday and bring her favourite books to her, but she didn't remember the books and him.. She only treats him as a friend.. One day her boyfriend from the home had to go back to live with his wife.. It was his wife's decision.. And thus she and her boyfriend were seperated.. She stopped socialising with the others in the home and became depressed.. Her husband was concerned and went to pay a visit at his wife's boyfriend's house.. Asking her boyfriend's wife to let him stay in the home again.. Her husband was lonely.. Her boyfriend's wife were lonely.. Two lonely person started to date each other..

Her husband drove her boyfriend back to the home for a day.. He went into her room; her boyfriend was asked to wait outside the room because he wanted to have a private moment with her first.. When she saw her husband entering her room.. She smiled and said:

"I found this beautiful book about Iceland. You wouldn't think they'd leave valuable books lying around. People who stay here aren't all neccessarily honest. And I think they got the clothes mixed up. I never wear yellow.

I seem to remember you reading this to me. You were trying to make me feel better. You tried so hard. You're a lovely man, you know? I'm a very lucky woman. You've been gone a long time. Are we all checked out?"

Her husband said: "Fiona, I have a surprise for you. Do you remember Aubrey(the boyfriend)?"

She replied: "Names elude me. I'm happy to see you. You could've just driven away. Just driven away without a care in the world and forsook me. Forsaken."

Her husband said: "Not a chance."

And they hugged.. And she had her wedding ring on.. And the show ended..

I dun understand some parts of it.. I guess im too young to understand.. The plot is understandable.. But i dun understand the feelings of adults.. Does her husband still love her? But just trying to move on? Im guessing it should be.. since the title is Away from her.. i feel sad.. the wife will probably forget him the next day =.=

An end of marriage because you were not a good couple, but your wife will always remember you? Or an end of marriage because your wife forgot who you are.. But when she remembers, you will always be the perfect man she has loved.

its march!

2009-03-05T01:39:00.002+08:00

HAH! it's march already everyone!! the holiday feeeeeeeeeeeeeeling is making me really lazy.. super nocturnal.. i sleep at 6 am and wake up at 5pm.. and then i play maple.. LOL.. thus i keep eating supper and i don't think i'll be losing any weight at all.. so much for wanting to lose at least 3-5kg BY my birthday.. haha..

okay i did go out and see the sun ONCE! on zh's celebration day ^^ all of you dun be lazy like me okay? and upload the photos pls =p best is zip it and send to me =)

kinda miss the days we were slogging in 2044.. just like Rex.. nah.. i miss the people i see in 2044.. NOT THE WORK!! oh by the way.. when is the alumni gathering???

OH I READ THE BLOG!! I READ!! his england very powderful.. i think i became illiterate there..
gtg now.. i'll blog more next time..~

complaint

2009-02-21T03:18:00.002+08:00

i am just having a few thoughts here..

is there something wrong with me? or is there something wrong with the rest of the world?

clearly sometimes i just think it's not fair.. maybe im jealous.. im envious and i can't swallow my pride that i lost to you.. maybe i've been treating you as an imaginary competitor.. i dunno whats the real term for it.. but sometimes i just feel like it's not the same anymore..

but thats not the point.. it still boils down to the insecurity i feel..

i dunno.. im confused.. i dun have the courage to spell things out and right here im stuck with this confusion..

sometimes i feel.. the honesty is lacking..

it has just begun

2009-02-21T00:10:00.002+08:00

these few days have been one of my happiest days of my life.. it's over! finally over! all assignments are handed in.. NO MORE POD, NO MORE REMT NO MORE MUMI NO MORE SP!! i have nothing to worry abt when i sleep now! the mood we all have before and after the pod presentation days were extremely different.. u guys shud have noticed how happy and carefree u were on thursday and friday even though we all had to do remt surround sound.. the pace was slow but easy.. everyone in the studios were laughing, cracking jokes and being our happy selves!! but we all didn't really realised that it could have been the last time we were gonna 'hang out' together in the studios or 2044 that very day.. because we're not going to school on monday.. or tuesday.. no.. most of us won't be back there anymore.. it was the end.. end of the 3 years we spent slogging together in that lab which actually was like a second home..

3 years.. gone in a flash.. from 17 to 20 years old.. some of us became good frens really quickly in the first year.. but for me i felt that i have just started to get closer to everyone during year 3 and it had to end so soon.. so so soon.. suddenly its like i wun get to see my classmates in class anymore.. i am not going to 2026 for mumi or arranging anymore.. and i dun have a plan for the next step.. so im just sitting here and blogging and giving myself some time to adjust to the new empty schedule of my life.. and i can finally watch desperate housewives season 5..

we went to kallang leisure park to ice skate on valentine's.. i never skated!! not on rollerblades.. and never on ice skates.. and guess wad happened for my first step on ice.. i put on my ice skates.. i put one of my feet on the ice.. just one foot.. i cant remember which feet.. and then.. i fell on my butt! wow a great embarassing moment to remember!! and what's more?! i blocked the entrance for sitting on the ice for like 5 minutes before i could finally get up.. nevertheless it was a really fun and sweet day for me at least.. oh and he gave me flowers!! ^^ my first flowers!! Joanne.. he owes me another 95 stalks by the way.. =) i took pictures but sorry im too lazy to upload the photos from my phone.. haha.. they are still alive in the vase at my living room.. going to die soon haha..

ru stan cy and i went to NUS today to submit the application documents.. ru and i had the feeling that we would be studying in NUS.. it's like we knew were going to be studying in SP.. i dunno.. i put real estate as first choice and arts second choice.. i hope we do get in the same school!

He drove me home from clementi!! with his dad's cute little truckLOL.. i was really really tired.. but i was really really happy.. the happiness only struck me when i alighted at my block and he drove away.. I just kept smiling all the way up the lift to my house.. i dunno if it's appropriate to announce such feelings on a blog but what the heck .. i was really happy.. probably it was like a sense of achievement to reach admiralty safely and correctly LOLOL..

okay desperate housewives loaded.. talk more next time ;]

get well soon rex!

angry

2009-02-03T15:28:00.003+08:00

it was really really fun playing mahjong and card games with the gang for chinese new year.. and as usual.. we talked about this one very person.. this person that wasn't invited to the new year gathering.. this person also never call us for new year gathering? i realised we never really scolded that person for his faults or anything.. i dunno if everyone in the gang except me scolded him at least once before.. and i think i cannot remain silent anymore?

FOr goodNESS SAKE! you are bloody hell going to turn 20 in 1 month's time and you are still acting like a selfish childish brainless kid.. I cannot believe i was born 4 days later than you.. why the hell am i scolding u? think about it.. why we never call u out for gatherings? do you really think that we grew further apart because you graduated 1 year later than us and went into a private institute? do you really think that we grew further apart because we had no common topics to talk abt? the answer is no.. and the FACT is that we DUN WAN to talk to you.. none of us wans to see u in our gatherings anymore.. Hidhir and Alan are in different schools and we always shared joy and laughter every time we meet up.. ~~all thanks to u tho~~

Can u stop borrowing money from people? you have a mum a dad and 2 older sisters.. don't they give u money? I thought u were working.. don't you have enough money? HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU NEED TO SPEND? $1000? EARN IT YOURSELF THEN.. you ask yourself.. have u ever returned people's money after borrowing them? they are not ur ATM machine.. YOU ALWAYS TAKE ADVANTAGE OF PEOPLE WHO ARE GOOD TO YOU.. first Joanne.. den me.. den zhen hong.. den Hidhir.. den Salima.. i dunno who else u borrowed money from.. and you dun borrow a little bit okay.. DUN TELL ME $20 IS LITTLE BIT BECAUSE I WILL EXCHANGE THEM INTO INDONESIAN COINS AND THROW THEM IN YOUR FACE! what? i think u borrowed $200 before also lor.. WE ARE NOT OBLIGED TO LEND YOU ANY MONEY.. but we were friends.. they were your best friends and you took advantage of them.. IT IS NOT CUTE AT ALL WHEN WE REFUSE TO LEND YOU AND YOU WILL MAKE THOSE GIRLY EXPRESSIONS LIKE "uh~~ please la.." BE A MAN LAH PLEASE!!

you are always not satisfied.. remember your 19th birthday? dun remember? you were supposed to meet us at Plaza Singapura.. we waited from 6 until 8 den u came.. and u came with who? YOUR ACAPELLA FRENS.. and then what happen? YOU WENt TO EAT LONG JOHN's SILVERS WITH THEM? what about us? you left us all waiting with a very hungry stomach for nothing? haven you heard the saying before? A HUNGRY MAN'S AN ANGRY MAN!! YOU COULD HAVE TOLD US TO EAT FIRST.. OR CANCELLED THE MEETING BUT YOU DIDN'T!! excuse me.. who are we to you? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!

i believe none of your current friends have ever ever said all these to you because they are very holy and they always put up with ur nonsense.. but your classmates at Shatec were not so holy.. but you didn't learn to change! why did u quit Shatec?!! just because your classmates didn't like you? PLEASE GROW UP!! i thought u always loved to study Hotel Management! What can you do without the Shatec Cert? you only have ur O levels cert!! AND OPEN YOUR EYES AND LOOK AT YOUR O LEVEL CERT.. YOU DIDN'T GET AN 'A' FOR MATHS AND BIO PLEASE.. ADMIT IT.. STOP LYING TO YOURSELF AND OTHERS.. your o level cert result is worth NOTHING.. if you never knew, SHATEC is not a cheap school.. Hotel and Tourism Management is such a hot course.. so many people want to get in but they cannot and yet you QUIT?! do you know how much your dad paid for ur education fees? do you know ur dad is getting old? do you know ur mum is working very hard? YOU DUN APPRECIATE WHAT OTHERS DO FOR YOU.. YOU ARE SELFISH.. YOU ONLY THINK ABOUT YOUSELF.. NOT HAPPY DEN QUIT.. YOU ARE A LOSER.. if i were a part of your family, i'd be UTTERLY disappointed with you.. i'll probably DISOWN you before you even try to DISOWN back ur family..

I have a question for you.. how the hell do you tutor maths when u got F9 for it? dun think that we all dunno okay.. ALL OF US KNOWS that you like little boys.. u have a thing for boys aged from 13-15.. i seriously hope that u are tutoring properly.. i dun wan the next time we meet is visiting you in jail being charged for child molestation.. it's not normal at all.. You Are Sick.. THIS IS AN ILLNESS.. GO AND SEE A PSYCHIATRIST.. PLEASE DO NOT RUIN THE FUTURE OF INNOCENT KIDS.. stop teaching maths and stop cheating parent's money..

LAST QUESTION FOR YOU : ARE YOU GAY? dun tell me you are bisexual.. no one's gonna believe you.. so what if you dated j-ning before? okay maybe back then u were bisexual.. but now.. i strongly believe that you have fully become gay.. i am fine with gays.. in fact some gays are very nice people.. at least they have the courage to admit that they are gays and they are not egoistic and they dun care what ppl think abt them.. what abt you? you are going to NS soon.. DO YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO ADMIT YOU ARE GAY? FOR LIFE?

if you think all of the above was wrong, come and confront me! but i won't entertain pointless arguments.. u have to prove it.. SHOW ME YOUR O LEVEL CERT.. SHOW ME YOU ARE NOT LIKE THAT.. SHOW ME YOU DUN GO GA-GA OVER HANDSOME GUYS.. SHOW ME YOU DUN BEHAVE LIKE A GIRL.. SHOW ME YOU HAVE STOPPED BORROWING MONEY FROM PPL.. u dun even read my blog becoz you dun even care about me! im so ANGRY that i've been good to you in the past.. it feels like a betrayal.. KARMA will get back at you.. JUST WATCH OUT..

i really really pity and yet admire those who are still close to you..

my final sentence for you.. dun make me open a forum discussion abt you.. and at that time i will definitely spell your name out.. every single letter..

how female are u?

2009-01-07T14:31:00.002+08:00

i think i can keep laughing at joanne's blog post of the genderanalyser thing.

tsk but he she more woman than me leh.. tsk..

no rest no rest no rest

2009-01-07T13:36:00.002+08:00

For the next 5 weeks..

I cannot slp after 2am..

I cannot wake up after 8am..

I cannot reach home after 10pm..

I cannot skip school.

I cannot procastinate.

I must think of Logic and Finale everyday.

Lets take a look at our assignments! =D

Songwriting 3- tomorrow
CS Speech- tomorrow for me
Mumi 4- 14th Jan (Next wed)
Arranging 4- 30th Jan!! WTH!!
Mumi 3- 4th Feb
REMT surround sound- 6th Feb!! WTH!!
Songwriting 4- 12th Feb!! T_T

POD FINAL + WEB due on 11 FEB !!!!!

gg liao lor. dun even thnk about chinese new year.

helo 2009

2008-12-31T22:51:00.002+08:00

you're the best thing i've got in 2008.

HURRAY 2009!

-REMT:"dun forget me and my brothers ARR, MUMI, SONG and POD!"

welcome to earth

2008-12-30T00:42:00.003+08:00

aloha! welcome back to school. to earth. to a place full of challenges. how nice.

how's xmas holidays?

i was on a train and i totally missed the count down.. aww.. i had a pretty good dinner at swensens with my old frens.. not that i have new frens but ya.. why do i sound like im shooting at someone? there were 10 of us.. i was thinking maybe next year's xmas.. zh's gonna get attached.. angela too.. or maybe they will date each other! HAH! =X anyways.. i also had dinner with my boyfriend's friends.. or maybe his frens' frens im not sure xD here i am going to tear down the reputation of that cafe on a forgiving xmas week.. jus dun choose to have a full meal at Essential Brews (Holland V.)..

i am.. overweight! woohoo! i think i'll buy less new year clothes this year and wait until i lose a dozen kgs first..

i had a dream.. a dream where i vented out my unhappiness.. where i took revenge.. where i had to chooose.. where i woke up and had a lot of thinking to do.. i haven been in the best of mood lately.. and some things just seem to worsen those imbalance hormones inside.. no im not becoming maaalleee.. my mood swings are really like rollercoasters..

i've thought through quite a bit.. and i realised a lot of things and saw things at a whole new perspective.. i probably won't be troubled by that jerk the next time he texts me or something..

suddenly i miss u so much.. haha..

oh yup yup just watched Bedtime Stories today.. it's pretty lame.. or funny if u think it's funny.. it's lame but it's funny.. so its funny.. haha!! it's for kids la.. kids sure laugh one.. but i laughed too!! its a chill n relax and laugh-out-loud kinda movie.. =) guess who appeared in the movie?? YEAH ROB SCHNEIDER..!!! always always.. got Adam Sandler sure got Rob.. i love it!

i watch YES MAN!! too.. Comparison! I prefer YES MAN's story =)

what's the next movie coming up? ^^

xnr

2008-12-18T00:46:00.003+08:00

The Little Nyonya/ 小娘惹《如燕》

词曲：陈佳明
编曲：Terence Teo
制作人：陈佳明
演唱：Olivia Ong

愿意合上眼才能美梦无边
yuan yi he shang yan cai neng mei meng wu bian
别让悔熏乌了从前
bie rang hui xun wu le cong qian

也许碎片才能让回忆展颜
ye xu sui pian cai neng rang hui yi zhan yan
何妨瓷花拼凑明天
he fan ci hua ping zhuo ming tian

谁带我寻获幸福的模
shui dai wo xun huo xin fu de mo
却自己谜中困锁
que zi ji mi zhong kun suo

谁为我留下缱绻的天涯
shui wei wo liu xia qian quan de tian ya
信物是抹晚霞
xin wu shi mo wan xia

Chorus:

思念如燕它飞舞舌尖
si nian ru yan ta fei wu she jian
若是真爱配尝几分苦甜
ruo shi zhen ai pei chang ji fen ku tian

意念婆娑时间里推磨
yi nian po suo shi jian li tui mo
追随到何处才结果
zhui sui dao he chu cai jie guo

燕如针线在青空缝编
yan ru zhen xian zai qing kong feng pian
几幅女红将以泪缀点
ji fu nv hong jiang yi lei zhui dian

誓言斑驳情雾只是经过
shi yan ban bo qing wu zhi shi jing guo
风雨中且让我盈步婀娜
feng yu zhong qie rang wo ying bu e nuo

if only i could write lyrics and tune like this.. this is higher chinese man.. still trying to figure out the meaning of the whole song.. but it's really nice.. he wrote the lyrics into sort of like a very beautiful painting or scenery of flowers and swallows during the yellow sunset.. it's just brilliant.. and this is the kind of lyrics i want to be able to write one day.. the melody and arrangement gives you a floaty feeling which suits perfectly to the lyrics..

this reminds me of songwriting assignment.. -_-

food poisoning

2008-12-10T11:55:00.002+08:00

I'll have to go back to sch tmr to finally continue on my assignments..

Yesterday i had food poisoning.. it was freaking hell the most xin ku food poisoning i ever had.. after having diarrhoea and feeling of nauseousness for like... 9 hours.. 9 hours of hell!! then the climax come.. i vomitted!! 4 times!! mummy brought me to TTSH.. the doctor put a drip on me.. he poke my right hand le den he say oh no.. not enuff blood.. my veins too small.. den he poke my left hand.. -.- the poking part is about as painful as an injection but just 3x longer.. cos they slowly slowly insert the needle into the vein.. dammit the nurse who took out the drip damn chor lor!! she just pluck out like that.. pain sia!!! 10 plus stay at observatory ward until 1am den go home..

i haven had food for 24 hours.. just started to drink water.. hopefully i dun puke..

i ate the same thing as he and his family did but only i kena food poisoning.. mummy say cos i went out to jog at midnight and anyhow spit along the road.. -.-

haiz..

a lot of random thoughts

2008-12-05T23:59:00.007+08:00

i am having a lot of random thoughts that i actually wanna share!! they are really random.. and u may not understand what the heck i am trying to say but.. here i go..

Shalalala Kiss the Girl.. HMMMM... when i was young and innocent.. i really thought a kiss simply meant a kiss.. then i was watching Shalalala kiss the girl.. HMMMM.. when the boat went inside the dark lake area.. HMMMM.. i wonder if the story was jus a simple as kissin the girl and nothing else.. since i suddenly thought of Joanne telling me dunno which fairytale is not as innocent as we tot.. HMMM...

Question: If u have found the one whom u want to stay with all ur life.. will u live on bravely if he/she passes away? or will u not find any meaning to carry on anymore?

If you die, then no one will ever remember the times u shared together.. only you hold the memories that u shared together.. will u hold on to the memories until ur very last breath? or is there no point in doing so? Is tat called living for the memories or living in the memories?

Random photos..

Looks like my name? It's on his shorts.. which is like damn old until can tear that sort and he 'kop-ed' from his dad de.. Weird huh..

i dunno why this photo like damn clear -.-

Zi lian zhao.. okay la.. my face nv grow fat until where la..

HAHA i jus like this photo a lot.. and of course the person inside it! =)

Photos of us in our most infertile period.. we'll try to take one 20 days later xD

it's time for stay home saturday night movie on the computer! =)

out from under

2008-12-03T14:12:00.002+08:00

Britney Spear's Out From Under.. NEW SONG!! old feel but i like it so much =)

Breathe you out
Breathe you in
You keep coming back to tell me
you’re the one who could have been
and my eyes see it all so clear
It was long ago and far away but it never disappears
I try to put it in the past
Hold on to myself and don’t look back

I don’t wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I’ll get it all figured out
When I’m out from under

So let me go
Just let me fly away
Let me feel the space between us growing deeper
And much darker every day
Watch me now and I’ll be someone new
My heart will be unbroken
It will open up for everyone but you
Even when I cross the line
It's like a lie I’ve told a thousand times

I don’t wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I’ll get it all figured out
When I’m out from under

And part of me still believes
When you say you’re gonna stick around
And part of me still believes
We can find a way to work it out
But I know that we tried everything we could try
So let's just say goodbye
Forever

I don’t wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I’ll get it all figured out
When I’m out from under

I don’t wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I’ll get it all figured out
When I’m out from under
From under
From under

Sounds a bit like the boyband era.. can imagine~~ =)
And i love Britney's blonde curly hair!! When my hair grows to that length.. HEHEHEHE.. i'll curl it like her!! xDD -thats like in another year's time- tsk. maybe before it reaches that length.. I'll straighten it like Nicole Kidman in The interpreter!! YEAH!! V^^V

T_T

2008-11-29T11:35:00.002+08:00

Rex u're so .. .. sweet!! u made me cry la.. not cos im sad but ur words were really moving..

i know you're right.. because when i was down.. that day outside 2044.. and even after that.. all of you tried to cheer me up.. im so loved by all my friends!! <3

Dun worry guys.. Im okay about it now.. even though im still sad when i think of what the lecturers say.. BUT im okay le.. ya u get what i mean =)

I love you all =)
I <3<3 u RU!!

It's going to be the last term of our 3 years together.. let's spend it together happily and jiayou for all the rest of the assignments..

Geoff reads our blog? SAY HI GEOFF!!

=P

damn it

2008-11-26T22:47:00.004+08:00

im sick of all the assignments..

im sick of going to sch, sick of attending classes, sick of seeing people i dun wanna see when i get home, sick of playing groword, sick of japanese class, sick of myself..

im crying over silly things, crying because im mad, crying because im frustrated, crying because i feel like crying.. im feeling feelings that i dun wan to feel..

im having the worst week of my entire poly life.. i wan to hide.. but i have no fucking place to hide at.. i need a break.. or i need to vent it all out..

i feel like im losing everything.. everything seems to be slowly fading away.. drifting away from me..

bad day

2008-11-25T00:41:00.005+08:00

we wouldn't have cared if we didn't put our efforts into it..

But at the end of the day, after weeks and weeks of heart and soul into something called POD Work 2.. they just thought it was bad..

If it was good, we wouldn't have cried..

I cried because I believed their judgement.. what i thought was better than Insatiable was only what I thought..

And horoscopes are really bullshit..

why

2008-11-23T02:16:00.002+08:00

why?

why am i in a similar predicament again?

why am i in this state?

it'll probably be the same.. me going alone and coming back disappointed.. having even lower self-esteem.. so what if i knew i tried? i just went there to get insulted..

i shd just stay away and not think about something that is out of my league..

it was just plain foolish to be hopeful..

the karma cycle

2008-11-20T22:13:00.005+08:00

It's been almost a year since they moved in with my family..

I tried to be nice to him.. I tried to treat him normally.. I chat with him, entertain his nonsense.. I put up with bad toilet hygiene.. I put up with his autism.. I put up with his dad's nonchalence.. and i have finally had enough..

I really dunno why or since when, i feel like crying EVERY BLOODY TIME he is not respectful towards me.. i wear clothes for goodness sake.. i wear proper clothes.. i dun walk around in my house with only my underwear or wad.. and WTF, nobody can correct him at all.. his BELOVED DADDY, my poor uncle has loved him the wrongest wrong way.. he pampered and he still pampers him like his son is the King and now his son really thinks he's the king.. WTH KING MY FOOT.. i really put up with a lot of nonsense his son did to me.. I tried to ignore him.. I complain to my mum.. I even hit him on his palm with the supposedly HOLY cane.. and whats more i lost my cool and i totally cried in front of my family.. there was a period of time i really hate them.. but now.. i am just SCARED of them..

i hope i didn't owe him anything in my previous life.. why the fuck are they haunting us now.. I dun even dare to stay at home when they are around and in case u dun know.. THIS IS MY HOUSE.. i dun wan anything to do with them anymore the next life.. so what if they pay us rent.. i want them to move out and they ought to do so.. but who am i to say anything?

you know what his dad teach him? his dad only say: "dun be rude to jiejie".. in front of me.. if i put a fullstop here it would be nice.. but no.. u know what else he teach him? behind our backs, he tells his son that he make us all unhappy, he win liao.. we lose liao.. my family lose liao.. HOW FANTASTIC..

watched The Ring before? now i do believe that some people are really the reincarnation of the devils.. the chinese saying goes 'ren zhi chu, xing ben e'.. you cant stop them or correct them until they pass away.. or maybe Swee Fuan who is more angelic can tame him.. or not..

i wan my ties with them to end this life.. even if i were a pig next life.. i dun wan them to stay in my farm..

mm hmm

2008-11-16T23:41:00.002+08:00

today is the 16th already.

i think im gonna feel better when i wake up tmr.. i hope..

Didn't blog for so long!! Ultra tired these 2 weeks.. come home den sleep.. ya i changed my blogskin since dear zhenny and vivian say they cannot view it.. lol.. and i guess i have some time to blog now after pod and remt.. yay =)

For a moment, I thought the world was gonna end bcoz i thought u didn't love me anymore.. but i was just feeling guilty of what i did and mostly, what i did not.. how could i doubt ur love!!

Okay i am feeling very guilty now.. super ultra very very de guilty..

I guess i can finally go find zh and lunch with him this week..

and lets go watch Madagascar 2!! =D

randoms

2008-11-02T18:59:00.002+08:00

Dj Deon

2008-10-20T23:53:00.002+08:00

How much did u change in 5 years?

I can surely say i have changed in my past 5 years.. food preference, songs preference, views on things, character etc.. i changed boyfrens HAHA.. im sure many people changed in 5 years.. like some ruler in another country, he likes to use 5-year plans.. -.-

can it be that one can remain the same from 5 years ago and not change? maybe lor..

i keep wondering exactly what kind of person he is.. but there is no point and i will never know unless i have some kinda interaction with him again.. too bad he has to leave a very very bad impression on me..

dun really feel good to know that such a jerk exists..

sometimes i feel i haven done enough.. how can i put 120% of effort into them? it's quite tiring nia.. it's easy to balance everything around you when u give 20% to each of them.. but it's hard if u wan to give a 100% to everything around u.. so hard.. but i guess i can try to increase the %..

IM TAGGED!

2008-10-11T19:33:00.003+08:00

IM TAGGED BY SOOMEI!! xDDDDD unless there's another Xiang yi~~ -.-

im so freaking bored now i shall do it!!

Starting time: 20:01
Name: Xiang Yi
Sisters: none..
Brothers: 1 <333
Shoe size: 42/8.. yes i have big feet, whats ur problem? wanna feel a kick?
Height: 1.6572371937467509 m
Where do you live: Woodlands
Favourite drinks: lime juice, strawberry milkshake (bubbletea), RIBENA!!!
Favourite breakfast: scallop porridge ^^

Have you ever

Been on a plane: yes
Swam in the ocean: can't remember when was the last time i did that =x
Fallen asleep at school: Every A Maths and Sec 2 history lessons
Broken someone's heart: i guess so..
Fell off your chair: eh, no? but i fell WITH the chair.. backwards, sideways..
Waited for someone to call: [nods]
Saved emails: important and interesting ones
What is your room like: 4 walls 1 door windows 1 bed messy dirty sound like yours?
What's right beside you: my queen size bed WAHAHAHAHA..
What is the last thing you ate: oh thats hard.. i ate so much stuff i cant recall..

Ever had

Chicken pox: HAHA, when my mum had it and i said "i also wan".. kindergarten.. lols..
Sore throat: every now and then =(
Stitches: ugh no.. but my baby has one at his chin =(
Broken nose: i think so.. my mum said my nose hit the rubbish bin.. the old old kind.. metal one.. hide underneath the sink one.. ouch.. what the heck was i doing there man?

Do you

Believe in love at first sight: :Like in first sight..
Like picnics: depends on how sunny the sun is.. and whether the place has mosquitoes.. and who im going picnic with.. and what food we're gonna eat..

Who was/were the last person

You danced with: -cracks brain- Joanne?
Last made you smile: PORKEE RYU DICK NG xD
You last yelled at: my brother.. jus now.. -.-

Today did you

Talk to someone you like: like? i like many people! =)
Kissed anyone: no =( AWWWWWWWWWW...
Get sick: nope.
Talk to an ex: nope.
Miss someone: [nods] where are you~~~...
Eat: as quoted from above "i ate so much stuff i cant recall.. "

Best feeling in the world: Happiness ^^
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: nope. i used to fear them when i was young.. i thought they had spirits inside them hahahha..
What's under your bed: freaking hell lots of dust and hair..
Who do you really hate: Pierre Png acting on channel 8 and speaking chinese AGAIN.. eew.. I dun hate people that I always bitch about..
What time is it now: 20:26

Random

Is there a person who is on your mind now: a lot nia..
Do you have any siblings: r u retarded?
Do you want children: YES! -looks at ahem.. yes please?-
Do you smile often: Ya?
Do you like your hand-writing: haven been writing..
Are your toe nails painted: :o no!! i need nail enamels!!
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: No one else's.. my bed's the best!! =D
What color shirt are you wearing now: Black.. I <3 HK!
What were you doing at 7.00 p.m. yesterday: Huh? -searching in Xy:/Documents/history/yesterday/7pm- Oh! about to wake up from a nap..
When did you cry last: i hate these stupid questions.. i dun remember stuff like that!!
Are you a friendly person: what do u think?
Do you have any pets?: -turned into a bimbo suddenly- Pets.. pets.. wad r pets? Oh those cute little animals with soft fury stuff on their skin and some people tie them up with a string? no no no.. dun have time for them..
Where is the person you have feelings for right now: Oh him.. he's at er.. what's that place? Oh he's at home =)
Did you hold hands with the person who mean anything to you now: Hold hands~ hehehe..
Do you sleep with the TV on: Definitely not!! Save electricity!! World peace ^^v
What are you doing right now: Trying to think like a bimbo..
Have you ever crawled through a window: i dun really care if i did or not~ peace ^^v
Can you handle the truth: Dunno.. this quiz IS retarded.. world peace^^v I love you all~..
Are you too forgiving: depends on who made me mad lor..
Are you closer to your mother or father?: None.. im closer to my Mummy ^^
Who was the last person you cried in front of: OH! Cy lor..
How many people can you say you've really loved: i dunno if being true or have been together means love..
Do you eat healthy: Hell no..
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex: Yeah =X
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you: Always nia..
IF you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to: Honey and baobei <3 xD
Are you confident: kind of..

5 things I was doing 10 years ago

1. I had a day off and celebrated on CHILDREN'S DAY!
2. I was singing in choir =.=
3. I read Sweet Valley Kids
4. I was dating? WAHAHAHAHA..
5. I was an irritating prefect? LOL..

5 things on my to-do list today

1. POD
2. REMT
3. wash clothes )=
4. wash dishes ))))=
5. clean room D=!!!

5 snacks I enjoy

1. Twisties Tomato <3333333333333333333333
2. super ring
3. sashimi is a snack =)
4. ice cream
5. i dunno! i like many snacks!!

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire

1. Invest in properties all over the world
2. Set up my own needy foundation..
3. Sell candies!! HAHAHA..
4. Sponsor travel for my family and THE GANG!
5. Set up Hotel Business ^^/ Do nothing =)

5 of my bad points

1. lazy
2. short tempered
3. no perseverence
4. no patience
5. eat too much

5 person to tag

1. Zhen Hong
2. Stan (u need to update)
3. Alan
4. Angela
5. JO ^^

Hi Friend, Bye Friend

2008-10-07T22:06:00.002+08:00

Have you read Joanne's blog yet? What an evil post! LOL..

You you you.. The one Joanne's blog is talking about.. Dun emo kay.. Dun think that we all hate you.. Be glad that Joanne is still affected by the things that you do.. Be glad that we still have some reactions over here.. If we dun, it just simply means we dun care anymore.. understand ma?

Mummy's surgery is a success.. But will be still damn busy these few days going to KKH to visit her.. And it's freaking not comforting at all when school is starting again in like a few days time.. Especially when i have to wake up at 6 plus in the morning everyday now to take brother to school.. Grrrrr.. GRUMPY..

I pray to all Heavenly beings for her speedy recovery.. x/

New Skin

2008-10-06T00:48:00.007+08:00

RAWR.. finally done my new skin.. something more colourful than my normal BLACK blogskin..

Haven blogged for a couple weeks reason being: TOO LAZY TO DO SO. lol.

Caught a few movies already though..

- Painted Skin
- Big Stan
- Eagle Eye

All 3 of them are quite nice =)

I'll say Eagle Eye is the nicest among the 3.. not gonna say anything about the storylines.. dun wan be spoiler haha..

YES IM WATCHING HOT SHOT!! no one watching meh? aiyo so nice.. like Slam Dunk! ^^ the song on the blog is one of the soundtracks.. sang by Lin Fan.. xD

My darling <333 turned 19 a few days ago! =) his 2nd or 3rd "sis" - not sure about the ranking lol- treated us Ma La Steamboat at Bugis.. I dunno if we were 1 hour plus early or the "sis" and fren were 2 hours late.. haha.. so we sat at a bus stop camwhoring!!

He's wearing the shirt i gave him.. and Minnie Mouse taggy to match my Mickey Mouse taggy^^

This photo he look like Ah Beng nia.. mai siao siao.. =x

hearts hearts <3 (K)

1 week of my life

2008-09-18T16:31:00.003+08:00

_____

i dunno how to describe this feeling i have..

cy's gone to work.. and i miss him more than he was in Macau the other time.. Jo says 2044 de aircon is under repair.. and brother is sick.. had to stay home and do NOTHING this whole week.. i just feel very very very not productive at all.. it sux.. inspiration just cant come to my house.. -.- nothing to stop me from looking at the time and counting down to 10pm.. night is better, got Tv to distract me.. but afternoon is like HELL.. and when it reaches 10, i realised i've wasted another day.. and u know u cant do anything until brother gets well.. :( faster be well~~...

haiz.. and there seems to be more stuff happening later.. this is unfair heaven.. u cant let anything happen to her.. u heard me?

falling in love

2008-09-14T01:37:00.026+08:00

The days u havent seen me...

Before..

After..

i burnt my hair off =)
ya lah, cut!!

^^ Celebrated 3rd month at Kuishinbo.. together with Jo!! =D

hello Fabio r u looking at this?!!?!

before that we caught Hana Yori Dango movie!! ^^ actors are still as perfect as they were.. just that i thought the storyline cud have been less lame.. -.- but it's okay!! $6 for 130 mins of F4 is worth it!!!

WAHAHAHA.. i think i said before.. one day we will go eat ALL the buffets in all the high-class hotels!! xDDD

Jean Yip, Marie France, Mary Chia -- u guys have 1 new customer..

Wagnu beefu? BEEFU BEEFU!!

hmm hmm hmm hmm.. -all smiles- surely something great has happened!!

Guess what guess what!!
(strangely he looks good when jo takes his photos.. rawr my skill noob LOL)

Deng deng deng deng!! G-I-F-T V-O-U-C-H-E-R!!!

HEEEHEEEHEEEHEEEHEE!!! only 10 lucky customers will get this!! ^^

HAPPY 3 months!!

Not forgetting the BIG event in September...~~ -drum rolls-

The Stanley Party!! =9~~
We cooked the dishes ourselves!!

Stanley made this!!! WITH LOVE!! I call this..

Stan's Pasta
Ribbon pasta with mushroom, chicken, lots of good ham, onions topped with market-bought but home-made tomato pasta sauce and melted cheese..
Price: Priceless
Rating: 10/10

Chef Ryu Ng's first attempt to Stir Fry Beefu..

My first attempt to "cook" Egg and Potato Salad..

Zhenny's virginal experience with breaded-prawn cooking!! OMG ZH u ROCKS!! pass me the recipe k??

The grand finale!! Ice cream Crepe!! Joanne did the ingredients mixing part while Jean did the flip-the-crepe part.. LOL.. i want the recipe too!!! dessert is hearts <33..

THE CHOCO-PEPPERMINT CAKE!! i burped next morning and i cud still taste the peppermintness..

Happy 19 Birthday Stanley!! Hope ur wish comes true!!
Seeing all of us happy is all that matters.. Jio Angela next time leh!!

And for the certain someone who is not in the photo.. i really have nothing to say already.. Sit back relac n enjoy ur fantastic show ^^ please remember to blog more often!!

I was randomly looking at videos at youtube and i saw this one..

if you have the time.. catch Part 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7.. i swear any girl who watched this will be touched in a way.. for those who have fallen in love and knows what it feels like, u will want to fall in love again..

偶尔来一点暧昧其实是还蛮甜的。。

and this song.. my gosh..

the other singer sux lah.. xing guang bang eeew.. =p

hehehe i bought a new lantern!! use battery de.. the kiddo kiddo type.. den got music one!! 十五的月亮！！

中秋节快乐！！

big girls dun cry

2008-09-11T00:09:00.002+08:00

i am still a small girl after all..

i really hate to start a day all very happily only to end it in tears..

i love myself.. i try to love myself.. i try to love every part of myself.. but that's not enough.. i want to be perfect..

Since young, neighbours and relatives.. even strangers praise me for being pretty, sweet, clever etc.. now that i know im not, it feels terrible.. i try to ignore and not let negative comments affect me.. it gets harder when one gets older.. i seem to care more on what others say.. especially when those comments come out from the other half..

there was a period of time, the period after i broke up with ny, i started dressing up more than usual.. that was because i had to boost my self-confidence.. i dun have to care what he would say anymore.. i felt really good then.. but now im back to square one..

i wanted to post a photo of me in my new haircut.. i really thought it was a nice new look.. but that is only what I MYSELF think..

stop making me regret..

making sense

2008-09-05T20:12:00.002+08:00

Jeremy and I were heading home from the mrt station.. there was this old lady giving out flyers.. So i took one..

Jeremy: Why you take this Rubbish?

Me: o.O Nvm la.. I help her take, she faster give finish den can go home.. if not cannot go home..

Jeremy: Dun care her lah~!

Me: She so old already.. Still must stand there give flyers.. help her la..

Jeremy: Bring a chair lah!! How stupid of her..

my very lovely brother does make sense somehow..

HYD Final

2008-09-04T16:46:00.002+08:00

HI F4!!! I'll be catching u in cinemas REAL SOON.. =D Please please please dun be a letdown.. =)