``Rainbow in melted chocolate~ =9

Monday, December 28, 2009

dun act like you know

i have never had any moral support from her for anything at all.. at least for me i didn't see her show it..

Dun support me it's okay.. but dun pour cold water on me.. and dun question my ability when you dun know anything.. you want to pour cold water on everything i do, on every decision i make, you're just gonna make me not tell you anything i wanna do in future.. some people might say this is one kind of concern but i hate it.. I dun need parents who constantly reminds you of how evil and negative this world is.. you've just crossed the line by criticising my relationship with cy..

All men will change, that's what you said.. so you want me to be unmarried? or you want me to be lesbian? or you want me to go and toy men and hate men? you wanna see our relationship crumble to prove that you're right?

I just feel so mad because you spoke ill of him.. you made it sound like im a terrible girlfren that dunno how to keep her guy's heart and that he's just like any other guy out there that will dump me in the end.. Whatever happened between dad and you is YOUR problem.. I feel so angry tat you're always being so negative about everything..

If i ever got married one day, i will wish and pray that you won't say :'You must protect yourself, men will change eventually' on my wedding day or i wun serve tea to you. Will you ever learn when to say the right things?!

Deon~ ♥ 8:29 PM

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

heaven knows i dun wan it

once again, my heart is unable to settle down, it's not finding any peace..

why did i ever say i want to stay on? was it a wise choice or a dumb choice? my heart is refusing to stay there and i can feel it more and more unwilling to stay there every time i think of the decision i gave 2 weeks ago..

Yeah it's been 2 weeks and there are no news abt it..

Is it too late to say i dun wan it now?

Im scared.

Deon~ ♥ 1:03 PM

Friday, December 11, 2009

hmm hmm hmm =)

What do you do when you only have 1 task at work which you can finish in 10 minutes and there's still 3 more hours till 5pm?

You stretch your 10 mins to 3 hours :) well, i only managed to stretch to 2 hours, it's not easy lol. Every 15 min do 10% lol..

Hopefully tonight we could go and watch the Storm Warriors..

Anyone watching Avatar? Looks like a damn good movie :)))

I love the following video HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Andrea Bocelli is LOL-ing inside too..

Deon~ ♥ 3:37 PM

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

which is better

Im deciding whether i should quit my job and take a break for a couple of months and repace my footsteps..

I feel so aimless.. like life is meaningless.. working is meaningless.. and i dun have time to do the things that i like WHILE i still can.. im tired.. i need more rest.. i need to feel refreshed again.. just like i told cy, ever since i wasn't a student anymore, i have lost a part of my happiness.. how i wished time stopped in dmat..

There is a very likely chance that i am able to become a permanent staff at where i work at now.. but if i quit now, ya know.. ya.. like that lor.. but i will have time to do the things i want to and have a good rest..

So which should it be? Any enlightment?

Deon~ ♥ 10:52 PM

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

how can i

If there's one word to describe it, the word starts with an F.

I dun want it, I dun like it, I want to get rid of it..

But how can i get rid of it when it is the evidence, the baby, the fruit of our love? It's all you ever pampered me with..

It's food.

Food----> Fat-----> F**k la.

I was slim but i was unhappy.

Now im happy, IM FAT! WTHHHHHH.

Deon~ ♥ 6:40 PM

Thursday, November 05, 2009

i runno

no thoughts.
no plans.
no urge.
no direction.

the 9 to 5 cycle is taking over me.

Zombieness.

Deon~ ♥ 10:51 PM

Monday, October 19, 2009

i thought i could

im pondering..

i thought i could accept it and take it well..

i really didn't know how to react, maybe i shouldn't have asked in the first place.
i couldn't act like i didn't mind because i mind..
i couldn't act like im okay with it because im not okay with it. I used to think that i'll be okay with it but i wasn't so right.

i was so angry so angry so angry i swear i wanted to bang my head on the wall. i couldn't understand why you had to do this when i was just right behind you, i was there for you. i didn't bang my head on the wall so i let it all out by crying out loud. i was in pain. my heart was in pain. i felt like i wasn't good enough for you.

but it hurt me most when i saw that u were as upset as me. i never want to see that sadness ever again. the truth is, it's not such a big deal, it's common, i am really not good enough, and i wasn't really there for you.

It's hard to determine who is right and who is wrong in this scenario. I dunno how else i should have reacted and i also dunno what to do about it..

I know, time will heal the pain and maybe i will gradually accept it. Nothing's gonna change our love. We'll work it out somehow.

Deon~ ♥ 6:22 PM